Dear 4chan,
Congratulations, you got a reaction from users. That's what you wanted, right? Well, I've decided I don't like people like you. You've messed with the community of the wrong psychopath. Before you get excited, you haven't even made me angry. I am a hard person to make angry. However, I despise people like you.
Your pitiful hacking skills are hilarious. Hacking accounts and putting up proxies are level 1. Can you hack into encrypted files? Can you tear through firewalls without leaving a mark? Your silly little proxy won't protect you. I have hacked into many computers and spied on the users. I've hacked into games. I've been hacking since I had a computer. It's what I was raised to do.
You have no idea to the extent of fear which you should be feeling. All you are is just a community of internet creeps. Have you ever murdered anyone? I have no empathy and I will probably feel joy peeling your skin off your face.
You think I'm giving you an empty threat? Believe that. I have contacts in dark places that you don't want to know about. If you live even close to me you better fear for your life.
Track my IP if you want to, but I am smart enough to use a library computer. Hack into my account if you want, but it'll just make it easier for me to track you.
With love, A psychopath
PS. I would fear for your life while you still have it.Open Dear landlubbers version
Dear landlubbers
Congratulations, You've stolen me rum. That's what you wanted, right? Well see here, I've decided I don't sail with people like you. You've messed with the wrong Cap'n o' the seven seas. Before you get excited, you haven't even found me treasure. I am a hard person to steal from. However, I despise people like you.
Your pitiful pirating skills are hilarious. Sinking ships and shooting cannons are level 1. Can you board a ship all by yourself? Can you rob a port blind without leavin' a trace? Your silly little galley won't protect you. I have plundered Man O' Wars. I've been plundering since I had a rowboat. It's what I was raised to do.
You have no idea to the extent of fear which you should be feeling. All you are is just a bunch of Landlubbers with no gold. Have you ever swashbuckled someone? I have no empathy and will enjoy rubbing my gold in your face.
You think I'm giving you an empty chest? Believe that. I have crews in dark places that you don't want to know about. If you sail even close to me you better fear for your life.
Sink my ship if you want to, but I'm smart enough to swim. Steal my gold if you want, but it'll just make it easier for me to catch you.
With love,
Cap'n Blackbeard
P.S. I would spend your loot while you still have it.Open Dear ruffians version
Dear ruffians,
I congratulate thee, you have attained a display of feelings from my serfs. That is what you wanted, right? Well, I, George Talbot, Duke of Tumbleville, have made the decision that I do not enjoy the company of ruffians such as yourselves. You have trifled with the peasants of the wrong Duke. Before you get excited, you haven't even seen me tax my underlings. I am loathe to tax them, However, I despise bandits like you.
Your pitiful swordsman skills are hilarious. Decapitations and using a shield are level 1. Can you command armies? Can you tear through village walls with naught but your bare hands?
Your silly little wooden shield will not protect you. I have hacked apart kingdoms. I've been parlaying with the sword since I had the title of Duke. It is what I was raised to do.
You have not the slightest idea to the extent of fear which you should be experiencing. You are just mountain bandits with wooden clubs. Have you ever dueled with someone?
I have no need for knights, and I will enjoy throwing you in my dungeons.
You think I'm bluffing? Believe what you will. I have contacts in high places that you don't want to know about. If you even go into the same kingdom as me you better fear for your life.
Raid my storage houses if you want to, but I am smart enough not to give my peasants food. Try to climb into my castle if you want, but it will just make it easier for me to duel you.
With strong feelings of lust,
George Talbot, Duke of Tumbleville
P.S. I would buy a better shield while you still can.