Archive of all Valorant related copypasta including of pro players, gaming organizations, Riot’s circle jerk, Valorant metas and Twitch chat to troll fans.
Bro, did you see johnqt this series? Man's not just an IGL, he's a walking aimbot with 'Quality Tactics' embedded in his DNA. This man doesn’t just play Valorant; he turns it into a first-person strategy seminar. His 'Quality Tactics' are so next level, Fnatic players were Googling 'how to counter johnqt' mid-match. He’s out here fragging harder than your WiFi drops during a ranked game, and I’m pretty sure he’s the reason Boaster started writing motivational speeches. I swear, he’s so good, even the enemy team's fans start cheering for him halfway through the match. The 'qt' in johnqt doesn't just stand for 'cutie', it stands for 'Quit Trying' because that’s what his opponents end up doing. Man’s so cracked, even the spike defuses itself out of respect. What an absolute legend.
Now, I’ve always been a dog lover ever since I was young. I adored those animals so much that I started volunteering at the local animal shelter. Working at the shelter and helping those poor souls with nowhere to go brought me daily fulfillment and happiness. There was one group of dogs that I grew especially fond over as they were just the most majestic looking beasts ever. They used to be prized hunting hounds for some rich British family, winning a couple hunting competitions back in their prime. But, as they grew old and frail, they were abandoned by the pricks. I decided to name them Boaster, Derke, Alfa, Chronicle and Leo.
Now call me sentimental but I became really attached to these dogs, feeding them and playing with them everyday. Hence when Leo passed away due to being too sick, I cried and became depressed. I stopped eating and drank heavily, spiraling my life downwards. However, a new stray canine joined the shelter, filling the void in my broken heart, essentially saving my life. I named him “Hiro” for being a hero that led me to salvation.
One day, I came into the shelter, excited as usual to see my dear dogs. However, they were nowhere to be seen. I asked a fellow volunteer where they were. He replied “FNATIC”. With a sinking stomach, I broke down completely and fell to my knees. I knew my dogs have been put down.
Posted after SEN 2-0 loss to GenG in Valorant Champions 2024. Instantly became a copypasta due to a running joke that SEN has the most fans (glazers) in Valorant competitive.
ive honestly never been this happy in a long time like im still smiling like 5 hours later. I hate SEN with every fiber of my being and it felt like ecstasy hit me like a bullet in between my sparkling ass eyeballs watching them get 2-0'd. they dont play real valorant, that gameplay is not real valorant like it has no class, and yet they get all the fans that are annoying and happy and i tried to be the bigger person and keep this all in but i cant bro im so happy rn.
i genuinely love you guys on GenG shoutout the goat meteor btw you deserve everything good that'll happen in your life i promise you bro your family raised you right. shoutout munchkin for the goated calling, shoutout t3xture for keeping it real, shoutout lakia for that sova ascent clutch that shit was beautiful, real lakia of valorant stuff, and shoutout karon for being picked from ranked because i fw that bro i love ranked u guys are geniuses up there i swear. I love this team so much man. i love u geng so much im geng for life now
Good game everyone! You guys were kinda embarrasing not gonna lie, but thank you for the free elo and good luck on ur next game because you are definitely gonna need it. This game felt like a deathmatch tbh or more like a game in the range against the practice bots. I recommend you guys Aimlabs or the range to help improve your aim because it was kinda terrible... in all honesty you might want to consider uninstalling. Anyways thank you for the free win and good game u absolute BOTS.
Good ending
Good game everyone! You guys were kinda cracked not gonna lie, but thank you for playing and good luck in life because you are definitely gonna do some great things in your future. This game felt like a scrim tbh or more like a game in VCT against pro players. I recommend you guys start streaming because your skill level is kinda insane... in all honesty you might want to consider going pro. Anyways thank you for the good practice and good game u absolute LEGENDS.
looking for egirl to play the game with and start out as friends but eventually you develop feelings for me because im so incredibly good at valorant and you praise me and you instalock sage and you make me bark for heal nad meow for rez and tell me im a good boy and then after a while(you love me at this point) you become so obessed you stop talking to everyone else and you lose all your friends and your social life is horrible and we only talk to eachother pls add me PLS
Parody of the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Jett from Valorant due to her popularity.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Jett. I try to play Reyna, my Jett deals more damage. I try to play Pheonix, my Jett deals more damage. I try to play Neon, my Jett has better movement. I want to play Yoru, my team tells me to play Jett. Riot tried to nerf her, but she is still meta. I want to play a normal match, I get sniped by an enemy Jett. She grabs me by the throat. I instalock her. I grind for her. I buy her a Vandal. She isn't satisfied. I buy an Operator. "I need more skins", she tells me. "Buy me Kunai and Operator skins." She grabs all ult orbs and force me to snipe long. "You just need better aim. I can deal more damage with cooler skins." I can't buy skins. I don't have enough Valorant Points. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs her Kunai. She says "Get out of my way!" There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but pure 100% accuracy even when moving. What a cruel world
