Skip to content

Valorant

Archive of all Valorant related copypasta including of pro players, gaming organizations, Riot’s circle jerk, Valorant metas and Twitch chat to troll fans.



That time I ran into Kaboose at the Piggly Wiggley

    Ha oh man, this reminds me of the time in I ran into Kaboose at the Piggly Wiggley, I told him I worked for Riot and I loved the way he played, etc.

Unfortunately, it was really strange because the whole time he kept shuffling his feet looking around occasionally he put an item or two in. Overall kinda seemed strangely obsessed with the fresh fish section.

I kept yapping my trap in the freezer aisle about VALORANT Champions Tour, how I thought they really had a chance to make NA proud. You get the idea.

And all of a sudden when we got to the checkout counter he finally said something back to me that was hard to hear at first because of masks and all. He said “I need some help..” Sure I said, what do you need bud! “ I need about treefiddy..” Well it’s about that time I noticed that Jake “Kaboose” McDonald wasn’t a 20 year old American Esports player at all! He was a goddamn Lochness Monsta from the Paleozoic era! I said go away monsta, you’re not gonna get nothing out of me again!

Well so called Jake “Kaboose” McDonald shuffled his way out of the Piggly Wiggly into the parking lot, and ultimately into our hearts as one of the best players on team Envy. Man other than that, I think he’s a really great guy and can’t wait to watch him play this week.

And that’s the story of how I met Kaboose.

    Shinobi is a tactical genius.

      Shinobi is a tactical genius. He is best known for his signature tactic "Tenz go kill". He also has a second little known tactic of "Tenz dead - friends go save". What an absolute legend. Top 3 IGL for sure...

      I saw Wardell while in line at the bank

        WATCH THIS
        Last week I saw Wardell while in line at the bank. He was wearing 13 rolexes and a chain made out of protein powder so I asked how he had so much money. He said "WATCH THIS", pulled out a glock and robbed the bank for $31,203. Then he double updrafted and dashed out of the store...

        LETS GO SPENCER!!

          LETS GO SPENCER!! (btw Spencer is Hiko, i can use his first name because we are tight like that. yeah i know top players but its not a big deal to me lol)