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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


What is my perfect crime?

    What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

    Phineas and Ferb lost episode

      Phineas pulled away from the intense, sensitive kiss, the corners of his mouth covered with messy saliva. It was his first. He had dreamed about this moment all of his teenage years. The adrenaline rushed to his stomach and bright cheeks in waves of warmth. He felt a bulge growing in his pants, chuckled softly, nuzzled his head and whispered “Hey Ferb..I think I know what we’re gonna do today.” A musical number faded in. Ferb leaned down to his stepbrother’s thin neck, coddling pockets of his skin in his mouth and sucking, nibbling, until a red mark was made. “I’m all yours, sir.” Phineas whispered, shaken. Ferb continued to paint his stepbrother’s body with marks of territory, settling his thumb in his prey’s mouth as Phineas lovingly sucked on it. Ferb grasped his non-blood relative’s hard triangular member and began to massage it. Suddenly, a rush of wind blew them from their moment. Candace walked out, screaming: “MOM, PHINEAS AND FERB ARE HAVING INCESTUAL RELATIONS!” but as the old tradition goes, everything was back to normal before their mother picked up any hint. Phineas speaks first. “Hey mom! Me and Ferb were wrestling. He won.” In a leathery, seductive, British voice Ferb speaks for the first and only time this episode: “Yes. Yes I did.” A final guitar riff marks the end of the sequence, and a commercial break begins.

      Listen. I hate cleaning toilets just as much as the next guy.

        Listen. I hate cleaning toilets just as much as the next guy. But i have a trick. Listen closely. As I'm scrubbing the base of the toilet, i pretend i have a fetish for toilets. I know, sounds weird. But this works. Take your sponge and start moaning. This will enable your arousal senses. You will soon start to enjoy scrubbing away at it. I pretend my toilet is a big fat juicy badonkadonk and I'm giving it a feel. Visualize whatever you want. Soon you'll have urges to lick the toilet. Don't. Not yet. It isn't clean yet. Keep scrubbing away. Once your toilet is finally all nice and clean, go on, you deserve it.

        ANIMAL CROSSING [NSFW]

          Holy shit guys. I can't believe what just happened.

For context, i'm 16M, my little sister is 5F. During quarantine, i've been playing a lot of Animal Crossing with her. We got a pretty cool world, she loves to play the game. So yesterday, she was playing it all alone in the living room, I went to take a peek, when i saw Isabelle on the screen. Holy shit. My cock got so fucking big. I could see the veins of my fat cock through my pants. I thought no one was home, so I started slapping the sausage to Isabelle on my little sister's screen. After 3 minutes i was about to cum. I could feel the thicc nut coming in Isabelle's tight inner dog pussy. When i could feel the cum coming, I heard footsteps behind me. Holy fuck. It was the fucking cleaning lady. I'm so fucking scared, what do i do? How do i explain i wasn't beating it to my sister but to Isabelle? Reddit, please give me some advice!

          Cum Balloon nsfw

            Cum balloon
You and your friends are having a water balloon fight.
Everyone is being splashed with water and having a good time.
You, on the other hand have a more malicious agenda, you stayed
inside relieving yourself whilst filling up 3 balloons to the brim.
You step out on to the patio, strutting triumphantly into battle.
You take aim at your first of 3 victims and fire. Bullseye!
The first one hits Tim's head, drenching him in your sweet sticky love milk.
Keith and Jake look in terror as Tim has been desecrated and you
walk towards them with a sinister grin. Like clockwork, they scatter
predictably, letting you land a hit on each of their heads.
All of them lay on the ground crying, covered head to toe in your hunk spunk.
You won this water balloon fight

            Is it possible to sleep with a man’s penis in your mouth all night long?

              The answer is Yes, I had a boyfriend that I did this with multiple times… at least three occasions that I can remember. Having a penis in my mouth is very soothing, like a pacifier to a baby.

Here’s how it worked: he would lay on his side, and I would spoon around his knees with my head propped up by a pillow so that my face was even with his Cock. We would both be excited by it at the beginning so there was always an initial intense session resulting in an orgasm, and once that was out of the way we would drift off to sleep. He would lose his erection after that first orgasm, allowing me to snuggle up against him and just relax with his limp Cock filling my mouth. While I would gently suckle on him while drifting off, once I was asleep that stopped and my mouth would just hold his Cock while we slept.

REM sleep causes erections, so several times during the night I would be woken up by the Cock in my mouth growing too big for my mouth to contain. (Sadly I’ve never mastered being able to deep throat.) Let me tell you, there is no greater feeling than the initial moment of confusion of crossing over from a dream into reality and realizing your mouth is actually full of Cock. Upon waking up I would start sucking again, which would lead to him cumming again, and then we would both drift off to sleep again, neither one of us having said a word. And then the whole cycle would repeat again and again until morning.

Now the drawback to all this is that we were both having our REM cycle interrupted all night, and we would both be exhausted all the next day. As a result we didn’t do this all the time but saved it for a special treat. The memories of those nights and that feeling of waking up with my mouth full are some of the best sexual memories of my life.