Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
So I was casually playing Fallout 3 when I hear my doorbell ring. I wasn't expecting any friends, so I looked out the window, and saw a man standing at my door, and I didn't recognize him. So, I went on over and answered the door."Hello there" I said nonchalantly. He responded with "Hi, I was wondering if you had a few minutes to hear the word of God?" So I said "Unfortunately, no, not right now. I'm a bit busy, but if you give me your address, I can swing by later tonight and I can tell you about Atheism." So he says back "Well, sir, um... I don't want to give my personal information out to random people..." So my response is "What? Why? You don't want a random stranger knocking on your door in the middle of the day and trying to shove their religion down your throat? Kinda hypocritical, don't you think?" He just looked completely befuddled as he turned away and started walking down the street, off to his next house. As he stormed out, a couple of the passerbys started to whistle and cheer, soon my neighbors joined in and even some drivers. I gave a wave and went off with a feeling of accomplishment.
I assert my dominance by whipping out my massive cock. When I go to a public restroom that has a person at a urinal, I go right next to them. No matter the age of the person, I stand back fairly far, about one and a half feet, just to make sure they can see my cock with their peripheral vision. They almost always finish immediately. One time there was a little kid at a urinal and I go to pee right next to him. I back step and unbuckle my belt. The kid looks over as I unzip my zipper. As I pull out my 9 inch cock, his jaw drops in amazement. I swear I saw him cum into the urinal as I started pissing. He finished up, went to wash his hands as I saw that his pants were covered in shit and cum. I felt proud of myself that day.
My dad loved this song, we used to stay up all night listening to this and watching Alivin And The Chipmunks: Roadchip. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip is a 2015 American live action computer animated family comedy film directed by Walt Becker and written by Randi Mayem Singer and Adam Sztykiel.[4][5] The fourth and final installment in the Alvin and the Chipmunks film series, and the sequel to 2011's Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, it stars Jason Lee, Tony Hale, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Josh Green, and Bella Thorne, with the voices of Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, Jesse McCartney, Kaley Cuoco (replacing Amy Poehler), Anna Faris and Christina Applegate. We always laughed when funny chipmunk fart! He died of J. O. E about three to four minutes ago. I miss you every day dad!
Last night I was looking for some porn of the not gay variety. Obviously gay porn is gay, so instead I went looking for guy on girl porn. But I realized that features a guy, with a penis, and is therefore 50% gay. So I started looking for some girl on girl action, till I realized that is lesbian, and is therefore 100% gay.
So clearly, I had to look into alternative options. I started to consider hentai: since no one in it is real, it can’t contain guys, so it’s not gay, right? Well, hentai is anime, which not only is gay, but also makes me a weeb. The worst option so far.
I considered traps. I’ve long heard debate over whether traps are gay, so I decided to do the math. The gayness of traps lies in the premise. Let’s consider the 5 base premises: 1) a guy and a trap, where the guy initially thinks he’s with a girl: effectively guy on girl, 50% gay 2) a guy with a trap, and the guy knew it was a trap: Dude looking for some dick, that’s gay 3) a girl with a trap, where the girl doesn’t know it’s a trap: that’s lesbian, and is gay 4) a girl with a trap, where the girl knows it’s a trap: effectively guy on girl, therefore 50% gay Therefore, on average traps are 75% gay, with a minimum gayness of 50%. Not an improvement. The 5th option, trap on trap, is a singularity of the 4 prior possibilities, and is therefore on average 75% gay again.
So I got into specifics. What if it was girl on girl, and the premise was at least one of the girls was just bi-curious, and not actually fully lesbian? Well, in that case, their curiosity makes them a cat. Cats are furries, and furries are gay
So how about a girl soloing? Well that’s a girl touching girl bits. Lesbian and gay.
My conclusion is that the only way to live a life free of homosexual sin is to liberate oneself of sexual desire at all, and become an asexual.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to take a test in class yesterday, and when I saw some sexy looking quadratics, my boner engaged. When I found the y-intercept of the equation, I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and the teacher got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on a classmate. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. He should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over him, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the teacher didn't agree with me. She KICKED ME OUT of the classroom, and I didn't even finish taking the test. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my cum after it already dried out and solidified on the carrpet. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean dried cum? You CLEAN cum after its FRESH out of your dick, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT quadratic on a test? Either make the equations less sexy, or LET ME jack off in your classroom, asshole.
They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger. Since then I have been getting circumcised every 6 months. My foreskin is now stronger than steel. Whenever I am I danger, I pull it over my body like an outer shell. It is fully bulletproof, fireproof, waterproof, and extremely lightweight. I have plans to sell it as a highly rare, highly resistant material and make millions. Bridges will be made out of beams of foreskin, and police units will wear foreskin vests. I will be living in my foreskin house and bathe in my wealth. I am foreskin man.
