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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


“Mr. Shapiro, what are your thoughts on women’s rights to have an abortion?”

    Ben: "WELL, that's a very interesting QUESTION, SIR. Before I get started, did you know that my WIFE is a DOCTOR?"

Reporter: "...Mr. Shapiro, that's- not-"

Ben: "I didn't think so, LEFTIST. Now back to your question- 'should women be allowed to MURDER and SHOOT innocent BABIES and CHILDREN?"

Reporter: "Sir, that's not what my orig-"

Ben: "OBVIOUSLY not. Now according to PragerU UNIVERSITY, there once was a FARMER who had a DOG, and Bingo was his name-o. Do you know how to spell it?"

Reporter: (silence)

Ben: "B-I-N-G-O. And Bingo was his name-o."

(Stares reporter in the eye; has not blinked since the asked question)

"B, I, N G O, B, I, N G O, B, I, N G O, And Bingo was his name-o."

Reporter: (Visibly taken aback) "Mr. Shapiro, this is ridiculo-"

(The conservative crowd begins laughing and shouting and singing with Ben)

All: "And Bingo was his name-o!"

(Ben shouting as the curtains close,) "Another CUCK LEFTIST DESTROYED! BAZINGA!"

    “Girlfriend baked all the beans”

      “My (25M) girlfriend 26F baked all the beans, now I consider to end our relations? What do I do?

Hello,

My girlfriend and me have done dating for 5 month. I thought "This girl is very good," and became of love with her.

Yet even so, on this Monday, I comed home and found she as baked all my beans.

Yes, all. Oh brother.

In my cupboard I store several bag of bean, to make soft and to bake on some days, to have a bit of baked bean on my dinner. Or, heck, a lunch too some days.

But on the Monday I find this girlfriend baked all the beans. I say "Why do you bake my beans", and she say something as "I bakes them good to save time, so I bakes them all now."

I am astonished and full of dissmay. I say "I canfr not eat all the beans", she say she is froze many of the beans so as we can unfrozen the on a later day and eat some at a time.

But, if a bean is froze and unfrozed, the very good and very nice flavor of bean is gone far.

A bean is best if baked fresh as a Sunday Pie. Not to be froze and unfroze!

I told my girfriend I am so sad of this, as to my opinion the baking of the beans and to freeze them has ruin all my beans. She say I am "gone haywire" by my enragement and sad manners.

But I hates what she did to my beans.

On the days before Monday I thought "Will we marry the girlfriend? Well it might be so."

But now I am so sad she baked them beans. I am consider to end our relations and not be the boyfriend and girlfriend any more. But, is my idea wrong? Could my girlfriend make promise to not bake the beans? I do not know what doing to do and how to feel forgiving on her.”

      I divorced my wife of 20 years today, who also donated her kidney to me, because she dislikes The Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

        I’m fucking furious, after 20 years you’d think you know someone right?

Today I asked her “hey I’m in the mood to watch some Star Wars, wanna join me?” To where she replied “sure.” I told her we can just skip all of the bad movies that the alt right has an obsession with (the prequels) and go straight to watching the objective masterpieces known as the ST. My wife LAUGHED (yes directly at me, no fucking respect from this woman) replying she didn’t really like them and found them boring. I looked at her straight in the eye, it all became clear to me, my wife is a misogynist, she just hates women, she doesn’t respect women whatsoever.

So I slapped that dumb bitch in the face and screamed “I WILL NOT TOLERATE MISOGYNY IN THIS HOUSEHOLD, YOU JUST HATE IT BECAUSE IT HAS A FEMALE LEAD” she (thankfully) started to cry with a confused look on her face and asked what came over me and why would I do that. I looked at her directly in the eyes again furiously, and asked her “what did you say about the sequel trilogy again?!?” She started yelling, blood and tears rolling down her face, with her voice cracking “you hit me over that?!!? Because I didn’t like a movie?!????” That was the last straw, I then said “I want a divorce” she replied “you just broke my nose and now want to divorce me over a pair of fucking movies!?!?!? After everything I’ve done for you?!?!? After saving your life!?!?!” I proceeded to walk out of the door, I looked back at her and said “I will not be married to someone who has 0 respect for women” Spat at her, then said “die mad about it” and left.

        I accidentally fucked my own ass with my big fat cock.

          I accidentally fucked my own ass with my big fat cock, does that make me gay? I was just taking a shower and slipped on my anal beads, my dick went right up my ass. As I was struggling to get it out I fell on my phone that was playing the gay porn I was watching, No homo, And my fat ass cracked the screen. And now i'm just sitting here questioning if i'm now gay.

          Horny: The Last Ass Eater

            Tits. Ass. Pussy. Feet.

Long ago, the four kinks lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the Feet Kink attacked.

Only the horny, master of all four kinks, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished.

A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new horny, an Ass Eater named Ricardo, and although his ass is great, he still has a lot to learn before he's ready to fuck anyone.

But I believe Ricardo can save sex.

            I spanked a Muslim with bacon

              Well, I was shopping in Walmart the other day, (with the intent of buying all of their guns, bacon and American flags) when I spotted a Mooslem running frantically up and down through the aisles, and his name was Abdul-Mohammed-Jamal-Jabar-Steve-Jabar-Omar-Abdul. I was certain at any moment he would yell 'Allah Akbar'. Thankfully, my shopping cart was full of bacon (which as you all know, is Mooslem kryptonite). So I straightened my MAGA hat and pulled up my Confederate flag britches and grabbed a pack of bacon from my cart. I took that Mooslem over my knee and spanked his ass with the bacon while screaming 'Liberalism is a mental disorder!' over and over. Then, by the power of the bacon, Abdul-Mohammed-Jamal-Jabar-Steve-Jabar-Omar-Abdul instantly converted to Christianity and registered as a Republican. Trump showed up and awarded me the Medal of Honor because I probably stopped the next 9/11.