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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


I live in fear of my giant dong.

    So today, I decided to measure my cock, just to look and see, like every man does. I planned to report back to my dudes... For the boys, y’know? So I get a boner, and I measure it with a ruler from my mom’s desk drawer... and it’s too fucking big for anyone to believe me if I told them. I’m now having a moral crisis, because if I tell the bros about my huge cock, they won’t believe me. But momma didn’t raise a liar. So now I’m stuck between having a brosation with my guys about my huge fucking horse cock, or forever hiding in the third leg closet. How do I come about coping with the knowledge that I have a giant pulsing lightsaber dong?

    TIFU by using Belle Delphine’s Gamer Girl condoms

      Quick backstory to why I even had one in the first place (I'm not a simp I swear)

A couple weeks ago it was my irl cake day and as a joke/gag gift, my friend bought 2 gamer girl condoms as he knew my gf and I were getting it on and wanted to embarrass us (we all laughed and no one was upset). I open up the small package and see the 2 of them just sitting there and couldn't control my laughter. But that's not why you're here to. Let's fast forward 2 days. My gf and I are starting to get steamy and right as we get that feeling, I realize I don't have any condoms and didn't buy any recently. So, in my stroke of genius, I remember the gift and go to my closet, take one, do a mental happy tap dance, and proceed (anyone over the age of 13 knows what happened next). Alright, let's now fast forward to yesterday. The past couple days my gf has been feeling off. Mostly an upset stomach. She also said she had this weird feeling as she said she was supposed to be on her girls days a few days ago (I don't know how they know that stuff). Then she looks at me with fear in her eyes as she nearly yells Oh GOD and say we have to go to the drugstore right now. So we do that, she goes into the bathroom, and. She's. Pregnant. My first thought was holy shit ima be a dad, then how would we support the kid. My gf hugs me and we just sit there, not knowing what to do. She isn't sure she's ready for a for a kid. But I'm going to fast forward again 5 minutes to when I wonder how this happened in the first place. Then I remember the condom. So I return to my closet, open the second one, put my finger in it and rub it against my hand. In 5 minutes, I can see tears start to appear (I had a bit of lube of it to recreate the circumstances). And I knew that's how it happened. That's how I fucked up by using Gamer girl condoms. Thank you if u managed to read this far, fuckin legend.

TL:DR I got my gf pregnant bc of sucky condoms

Edit: I'll give an update in a few days to a week.

      I fucking masturbated to the zero suit samus amiibo

        "So I was playing super smash bros with a friend at my place. He brought his switch and we played some matches. My main is zero suit samus and yeah she pretty hot tho ngl. I played super smash bros on my 3Ds when I was younger and bought the Amiibo (which I couldn‘t use on a 3Ds unless I use an extra device). I never got to use it and almost forgot that it exists until my friend mentioned it and we put it on the switch. After he left I was starring on this Amibo and since my parents werent home I was like fuck it. I took it to the bathroom and fucking wanked my ding dong till I busted. Afterwards I felt like shit and had to share this beautiful story with anyone so why not on the internet to a bunch of strangers. Anyways have a great day"

        I was jealous of Mario and peach

          When I was 9 I was really jealous that Mario got to date Peach so to let my frustration out I turned on Mario Kart 64 and drove Mario off a cliff for 2 hours then went back to writing my fanfiction of me being Peach's bff and bf.

          Search Results Web results A Day In The Life Of Kanye West

            After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.

            Watashi wa 👅 a 👌 victim of 💦 cyberbullying.

              Watashi wa 👅 a 👌 victim of 💦 cyberbullying. Everyday 🗓 someone 👤 online 💻 calls 🗣 me 😭 a 👌 "weeb" desu. 👌 Watashi won't 🚫 stand 💨 for 🍆 this. 👈 26 percent 🔟 of 💦 bullying 😂 victims are 🔢 chosen due to 💦 their 🍆 race 🖕 or 💁 religion 🕋 desu. 👌 I 👁 may 🗓 look 👀 like 💖 a 👌 basic 🚂 white 👱 boy, 👦 but 🍑 deep 😱 down 🔻 I 👁 am 👏 Nihongo desu. 👌 Watashi religion 🕋 is 💦 anime. 😹 Anata wa 👅 bullying 😂 me 😭 because 💁 of 💦 my 👨 race 🖕 and 👏 religion 🕋 desu 👌 ka? Disgusting 😝 desu. 👌 Anata should 💘 be 🐝 ashamed 😳 of 💦 yourself, 🙄 pig. A 👌 baka gaijin like 💖 anata is 💦 probably 😻 jealous 😒 of 💦 my 👨 race 🖕 and 👏 culture, cause 💋 Nippon is 💦 more 🍗 sugoi than 👉 your 👏 shitty 💩 country 🏃 desu. 👌 Watashi pity 😢 anata. You'll 👉 never 🙅 be 🐝 Nihongo like 💖 watashi. I'm 💘 a 👌 weeb? Pfft. I 👁 AM 👏 AN 👹 OTAKU DESU. 👌 Educate yourself 🙄 on 🔛 nani a 👌 "weeb" is 💦 before 😂 anata try 😐 to 💦 insult 😦 watashi desu. 👌 I 👁 WILL 👏 NOT 🚫 BE 🐝 CYBERBULLIED ANYMORE. 🔥 REPORTED.

Arigatou 💘 for my first gold💦 and silver🔥 , Stranger sama💋 👅