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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


I divorced my wife of 20 years today, who also donated her kidney to me, because she dislikes The Star Wars Sequel Trilogy

    I’m fucking furious, after 20 years you’d think you know someone right?

Today I asked her “hey I’m in the mood to watch some Star Wars, wanna join me?” To where she replied “sure.” I told her we can just skip all of the bad movies that the alt right has an obsession with (the prequels) and go straight to watching the objective masterpieces known as the ST. My wife LAUGHED (yes directly at me, no fucking respect from this woman) replying she didn’t really like them and found them boring. I looked at her straight in the eye, it all became clear to me, my wife is a misogynist, she just hates women, she doesn’t respect women whatsoever.

So I slapped that dumb bitch in the face and screamed “I WILL NOT TOLERATE MISOGYNY IN THIS HOUSEHOLD, YOU JUST HATE IT BECAUSE IT HAS A FEMALE LEAD” she (thankfully) started to cry with a confused look on her face and asked what came over me and why would I do that. I looked at her directly in the eyes again furiously, and asked her “what did you say about the sequel trilogy again?!?” She started yelling, blood and tears rolling down her face, with her voice cracking “you hit me over that?!!? Because I didn’t like a movie?!????” That was the last straw, I then said “I want a divorce” she replied “you just broke my nose and now want to divorce me over a pair of fucking movies!?!?!? After everything I’ve done for you?!?!? After saving your life!?!?!” I proceeded to walk out of the door, I looked back at her and said “I will not be married to someone who has 0 respect for women” Spat at her, then said “die mad about it” and left.

    I accidentally fucked my own ass with my big fat cock.

      I accidentally fucked my own ass with my big fat cock, does that make me gay? I was just taking a shower and slipped on my anal beads, my dick went right up my ass. As I was struggling to get it out I fell on my phone that was playing the gay porn I was watching, No homo, And my fat ass cracked the screen. And now i'm just sitting here questioning if i'm now gay.

      Horny: The Last Ass Eater

        Tits. Ass. Pussy. Feet.

Long ago, the four kinks lived together in harmony. Then everything changed when the Feet Kink attacked.

Only the horny, master of all four kinks, could stop them. But when the world needed him most, he vanished.

A hundred years passed and my brother and I discovered the new horny, an Ass Eater named Ricardo, and although his ass is great, he still has a lot to learn before he's ready to fuck anyone.

But I believe Ricardo can save sex.

        I spanked a Muslim with bacon

          Well, I was shopping in Walmart the other day, (with the intent of buying all of their guns, bacon and American flags) when I spotted a Mooslem running frantically up and down through the aisles, and his name was Abdul-Mohammed-Jamal-Jabar-Steve-Jabar-Omar-Abdul. I was certain at any moment he would yell 'Allah Akbar'. Thankfully, my shopping cart was full of bacon (which as you all know, is Mooslem kryptonite). So I straightened my MAGA hat and pulled up my Confederate flag britches and grabbed a pack of bacon from my cart. I took that Mooslem over my knee and spanked his ass with the bacon while screaming 'Liberalism is a mental disorder!' over and over. Then, by the power of the bacon, Abdul-Mohammed-Jamal-Jabar-Steve-Jabar-Omar-Abdul instantly converted to Christianity and registered as a Republican. Trump showed up and awarded me the Medal of Honor because I probably stopped the next 9/11.

          I saw Donald Trump at a grocery store in D.C. yesterday.

            I saw Donald Trump at a grocery store in D.C yesterday.

I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

After paying for the Milky Ways he proceeded to leave the store and throw all of them in the garbage. Haven't seen him since.

            Fucking gunshots interrupted my masturbation

              Fucking gunshots interrupted my masturbation.

So there I was. Under my bedsheets comfortable and I had some 3.9 star hentai on and then suddenly, I just hear 6 shots.

Now, at first I just thought they were fireworks because its nearing the fourth of July. So I just kept on wanking but as soon as I was near the end if my session, I hear 3 more REALLY loud shots causing my erection to dissapear.

Now, at this point I was just pissed off because some random guy just happened to launch fireworks mid-nut. So I look out my window and see some dude runnin with a gun in his hand and another man running away from him.

Needless to say, I noped my ass back to bed and am trying to get another erection.

TLDR; Fucking guns ruined my hentai