Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
My dad loved this song, we used to stay up all night listening to this and watching Alivin And The Chipmunks: Roadchip. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip is a 2015 American live action computer animated family comedy film directed by Walt Becker and written by Randi Mayem Singer and Adam Sztykiel.[4][5] The fourth and final installment in the Alvin and the Chipmunks film series, and the sequel to 2011's Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, it stars Jason Lee, Tony Hale, Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Josh Green, and Bella Thorne, with the voices of Justin Long, Matthew Gray Gubler, Jesse McCartney, Kaley Cuoco (replacing Amy Poehler), Anna Faris and Christina Applegate. We always laughed when funny chipmunk fart! He died of J. O. E about three to four minutes ago. I miss you every day dad!
Last night I was looking for some porn of the not gay variety. Obviously gay porn is gay, so instead I went looking for guy on girl porn. But I realized that features a guy, with a penis, and is therefore 50% gay. So I started looking for some girl on girl action, till I realized that is lesbian, and is therefore 100% gay.
So clearly, I had to look into alternative options. I started to consider hentai: since no one in it is real, it can’t contain guys, so it’s not gay, right? Well, hentai is anime, which not only is gay, but also makes me a weeb. The worst option so far.
I considered traps. I’ve long heard debate over whether traps are gay, so I decided to do the math. The gayness of traps lies in the premise. Let’s consider the 5 base premises: 1) a guy and a trap, where the guy initially thinks he’s with a girl: effectively guy on girl, 50% gay 2) a guy with a trap, and the guy knew it was a trap: Dude looking for some dick, that’s gay 3) a girl with a trap, where the girl doesn’t know it’s a trap: that’s lesbian, and is gay 4) a girl with a trap, where the girl knows it’s a trap: effectively guy on girl, therefore 50% gay Therefore, on average traps are 75% gay, with a minimum gayness of 50%. Not an improvement. The 5th option, trap on trap, is a singularity of the 4 prior possibilities, and is therefore on average 75% gay again.
So I got into specifics. What if it was girl on girl, and the premise was at least one of the girls was just bi-curious, and not actually fully lesbian? Well, in that case, their curiosity makes them a cat. Cats are furries, and furries are gay
So how about a girl soloing? Well that’s a girl touching girl bits. Lesbian and gay.
My conclusion is that the only way to live a life free of homosexual sin is to liberate oneself of sexual desire at all, and become an asexual.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
Ok, this is ABSOLUTE fucking bullshit. I went to take a test in class yesterday, and when I saw some sexy looking quadratics, my boner engaged. When I found the y-intercept of the equation, I couldn't help it!!! I closed my eyes, and I TORE my dick to shreds, using whip like motions and pulled with great force. That was one of the best nuts I ever had, just thinking about it now gets me riled up. Thing is, I nutted all over the kid sitting right next to me, and the teacher got all pissed at me, screaming at me for jacking off on a classmate. I told that bitch to shut the fuck up, and that jacking off is a natural, artistic, and beautiful process. He should BE HAPPY that my semen is all over him, maybe he can learn a lesson or two about the culture and art of jacking off. HOWEVER, the teacher didn't agree with me. She KICKED ME OUT of the classroom, and I didn't even finish taking the test. Not only THAT, but they made me clean up my cum after it already dried out and solidified on the carrpet. THATS TORTURE!! Do you know how hard it is to clean dried cum? You CLEAN cum after its FRESH out of your dick, not an hour after you fucking nutted. This is a fucking OUTRAGE. Do you really expect me to not whip out my cock and jack off when i see a HOT quadratic on a test? Either make the equations less sexy, or LET ME jack off in your classroom, asshole.
They tried circumcising me but my foreskin only grew back stronger. Since then I have been getting circumcised every 6 months. My foreskin is now stronger than steel. Whenever I am I danger, I pull it over my body like an outer shell. It is fully bulletproof, fireproof, waterproof, and extremely lightweight. I have plans to sell it as a highly rare, highly resistant material and make millions. Bridges will be made out of beams of foreskin, and police units will wear foreskin vests. I will be living in my foreskin house and bathe in my wealth. I am foreskin man.
I was RAPED once.
I was a 16 YEAR OLD VIRGIN LIBERAL and one night I was walking home from the library. FRIGHTENED I took a shortcut down A DARK ALLEY. I heard a SINISTER LAUGH and BEN SHAPIRO jumped out from behind a trash can! "Well well," he sneered, "looks like the INVISIBLE HAND has ensured that my DEMAND is met by your SUPPLY. What a TRIUMPH OF THE FREE MARKET..."
I said capital always accumulates in the hands of the wealthy, but to no avail. He just laughed and whipped out his THROBBING 12 CHAPTER TREATISE. He shoved me roughly against the wall and started filling my ear with STEAMY CITATIONS. I struggled but got SLAPPED IN THE FACE WITH ROCK HARD DATA for my efforts.
MEWLING AND WHIMPERING I tried to check his privilege. He just bellowed, "YOUR RESISTANCE ONLY MAKES MY CONCLUSIONS FIRMER!" I started to explain power theory and he RAMMED MY OWN WORDS DOWN MY THROAT. My premises and spirit broken, I couldn't get a word in edgewise because I was GAGGING ON SLIMY MEATY ARGUMENTS.
It was awful. His HUGE ARGUMENT was TOO BIG to fit inside my TIGHT VIRGIN BRAIN. Some of the founder facts he PULLED OUT only to immediately JAM BACK INSIDE. It seemed to go on forever but finally, FORCING ME OPEN, his PENETRATING ARGUMENT came to a CLIMAX. It was agony as ROUND AFTER ROUND of THICK ROPY FACTS and HOT STICKY LOGIC were PUMPED DEEP INSIDE me.
Weeping, I lay in a PUDDLE OF STINKING NEOCON RHETORIC. I didn't see where he went, but BEN SHAPIRO'S VIRILE IDEAS had been irresistibly PLANTED DEEP INSIDE me. I tried to abort the memory, but NINE MONTHS LATER I was BORN AGAIN CONSERVATIVE.
This is my truth. POUND ME TOO!
Today I attempted to insert a whole cantaloupe melon into my anus because the local shops had run out of apricots (I buy a lot). Using about a gallon of butter, breathing techniques and a few hours I managed to finally get it inside. However it was too uncomfortable so I tried to shit it back out. This is where things got confusing because rather than a melon sliding out half a dozen apricots did. Now there is a chance that I just blacked out upon excreting the cantaloupe and it rolled away somewhere and that I happened to have a dozen or so left over apricots lying around my rectum from earlier but I cannot for the life of me find the melon anywhere. I think I may have the power to anally turn melons into apricots. Further experimentation will be required of course (once my rectum has recovered) but if this turns out to be true then I may be able to solve world hunger.
