Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
The other day I decided to visit the local movie theater. Other than being a connoisseur of film, I visited the locale theater due to the fact they were screening a personal favorite of mine. Pixar’s Cars 2. There aren’t much words needed to describe the absolute masterpiece of the film so I’ll continue my story. I made sure to park my bright and shining golden brown Toyota Prius right in the front of the parking lot, so the masses could bask in its glorious light. I made sure to bring my own snacks of course, my free thinking mind had already broken the chains called capitalism a long time ago. I smirked as I saw the ignorant cretins buy the overpriced and disgusting popcorn, and pitied them. After all, with my IQ, everybody is basically a monkey. The movie had been out for quite some time so I had the theater to myself. Or so I thought. Right when I had my premium Ass Warmer Ultra tm. With ass scratching capabilities and began feasting on the glorious food called canned baked beans a group of youths of African American descent entered the theater. I froze for a second, as I had planned on being alone but I could adjust my plans. I decided to continue with my movie experience. After all, the beautiful face of Mater could surely distract me from their hooliganism. We were at the best part, a truly masterful comedic technique used in the movie. Where Mater mistakes the ethnic Japanese food “Wasabi” for “Pistachio” flavored ice cream. This is quite comedic due to them looking very similar but have quite different tastes. I allowed myself to chuckle at this execution before realizing one of the youths was staring at me. I ignored him and began using my can opener to partake in the act of baked bean eating. Then I heard him about. “YO THIS NIBBA EATING BAKED BEANS WHILE WATCHING CARS 2”
The year is 1982. I am spy, engaged in Cold War operations. On each side of my mouth there is a fake molar. On the right side, cyanide. On the left, estrogen. I have done my research. The target I’m here to seduce is a straight guy. As I approach, I twist my jaw, cracking the left molar. Instantly, my body forms a pair of massive tits. I greet my target, making intense eye contact. He is immediately lovestruck. After the conference we retreat to his hotel room. As he pins me against the wall, I see the conflict in his eyes. He know I’m a spy, and yet he can’t help himself. Later, as he lies asleep next to me, I slip out of bed, and pad across the floor to his suitcase. Rifling through its contents I discovered a secret compartment, which I slide open. There. The documents. Suddenly, the click of a pistol hammer being cocked back, and the cold of a gun barrel to the back of my head. He’s got me. Right molar. Crack. I await the cyanide, but it never comes. Instead, a second dose of estrogen shoots through my body. My tits expand to gargantuan proportions, before exploding. We are both killed in the blast.
I was watching Phineas and Ferb last night and in this one episode everyone’s hyped up about having a steak cookout but the villain steals all the steaks in the city and anyway at the end his plan gets foiled and it starts raining steaks and everyone’s celebrating and whatever but I just got this pit at the bottom of my stomach, like damn this shit really changes your entire outlook on life… I was just trying to enjoy a cartoon but here I am thinking about all the fictional cows that died and the implications of promoting meat on kids tv while also having main characters that are animals and how no one else sees that issue 😭
I am male if it matters. I've always been into putting things in my ass I don't know why, I'm not gay or anything I just like how it feels. Well I got drunk last night and decided to play with my ass and I hadn't gone shopping so I was out of carrots and cucumbers so I looked around and I saw my Buzz Lightyear action figure and thought "why not?" I've put action figures up there before because they feel different and it's funny. I grabbed Buzz, lubed him up and put him up against my asshole and started sliding him in. "To infinity and beyond!" I moaned as Buzz entered me.
The only problem is that he has those wings that expand and so they popped open nearly splitting me in half and now he's stuck in there and I can't get him out. I know I need to go to the emergency room but honestly I'm scared and ashamed. I've managed to hide it from my wife so far but I think she's getting suspicious and can tell something is wrong. I'm going to try to sneak to the ER later and hopefully get it taken care of without her finding out.
So me and my girlfriend have been together about 9 months, when we got together she was very clear that she was on onlyfans. I appreciated her being honest, and I’m not gonna lie and say I was fine with it but I really liked this girl and she was super sweet and caring (still is) so I decided to give it a shot still. Tbh I haven’t really thought about it much during our time together and haven’t looked at her onlyfans once, well until yesterday. I’m not sure why but I decided to have a look yesterday which led me to find some shit I didn’t want to see. At first I was on my own phone and made an account as I haven’t actually tried onlyfans before and then I saw she was advertising “Hot and Steaming sexting sessions” which peaked my curiosity shall we say.
Then I decided to go on her laptop and go through her onlyfans from her account. Which brings me to Pablo, Pablo is “the best daddy ever” and has the “hottest cock in the world” (direct quotes from her). from what I could tell Pablo has spent about 10,000$ on my girlfriend, and let’s say she’s provided lots in return. A quick list of some of the things I found was, a photo with his name on her boobs. A video of her pleasuring herself SCREAMING his name, and the icing on the cake was a video which really really crossed the line for me where she was once again pleasuring herself but this time she was talking about how she couldn’t wait to have sex with him and his “perfect cock” behind her boyfriends back(me) and how she couldn’t wait for him to cum on the necklace I got her for her birthday.
So basically I got very pissed, I’m not sure if they were actually planning to do it in real life or if it was just some sexual thing but still Jesus Christ . I confronted her about it and her response was basically ummmm yeah You know I do onlyfans right, that’s how it works. At this point I just left the apartment and am staying at a friends place now. What in the fuck do I do? Surely I have to break up with her right?
Basically the title, i am a full time discord moderator and right now i am managing 10 servers at once, I enjoy my job, i enjoy interacting with different communities and it's nice that people recognize me in all the chats, Recently my mother has been nagging me to get a job even though discord is my job. We had family and cousins over for dinner once and they were discussing their job prospects , My cousin is a firefighter and was talking about how physically exhausting it can be to climb ladders and manage the fire equipment. I also say that my job is hard and that my fingers get tired and that i have to do special hand/finger stretches so i dont get carpal tunnel. I heard my brother smirk and i realized that none of them take what i love to do seriously, so i stormed back to my room
A few weeks passed and i was in the middle of getting a promotion and training to become an admin when my mother opened the door and asked to speak to me , i sighed and deafened myself since i was on call, She looked at me with sad eyes and said 'Honey your father and i are kicking you out in 2 weeks if you dont get a job" , I replied telling her that once again this is my job, she then asked if i make any money from it which i replied one of the owners bought me a month of nitro for helping manage a discord raid, she told me that she didnt understand what nitro was or what a raid was, she once again told me or thats it, I am 28 years old, this is my dream and my passion, i am in the middle of completing my training and getting my admin certificate, i dont even want to imagine what my kittens would do without me if i cant go on my pc to use discord
What should i do? Any advice? Please help me because i am serious
