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Storytime

Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.


I accidentally ate chicken

    Vegan copypasta
    Today I (f, 24, vegan) accidentally ate some chicken ( f, 8 weeks, not vegan) and it made me so angry. Im vegan, and was at Popeyes and asked for a chicken sandwich, but the idiot at the counter didn’t realize that I was vegan just by looking at me (vegan) and understanding my vegan aurora, and sold me (vegan) REAL chicken in my sandwich. I (vegan) realized this and told him (not vegan) that I’m vegan and that I’m going to murder his whole fucking family because I (vegan) believe that animal death and cruelty is bad. He (not vegan) told me (vegan) he (not vegan) was going to call the police, and I (vegan) told him (not vegan) that you can’t do that because I’m vegan and I save lobsters at whole foods on the weekend. The cops (not vegan) arrested me (vegan) and they took all my fucking lobster that I (vegan) heroically saved, and now I (vegan) have no one to talk to (lobsters).

    Pasta o mentosie

      Drogie mirki. Piszę tę historię ku przestrodze wszystkim tym, którzy nie rozgryzają mentosów od razu po włożeniu do ust.
      
      Otóż ja i moja dziewczyna poszliśmy na studia do różny miast. Po miesiącu rozłąki zdecydowaliśmy się wreszcie spotkać, a jako że byłem bardzo szczęśliwy z tego powodu, postanowiłem zrobić jej minetę.
      
      Zawsze mi się to podobało, ale tym razem z jakiegos powodu jej cipka śmierdziała jak martwy papież, a smakowała jeszcze gorzej. Nie chciałem ją urazić, więc wziąłem mentosa. W trakcie lizania, przez przypadek wepchnąłem go w nią, ale na całe szczęście mam zręczne palce i szybko go wygrzebałem, włożyłem z powrotem do ust i rozgryzłem. Niestety to co znalazło się w moich ustach nie było mentosem. Był to guzek rzeżączki.
      
      (Należy tutaj zauważyć, że ów guzek był wielkości pierdolonego mentosa)
      
      Zamiast lodowej świeżości moje usta wypełniły się ropą. Zacząłem krzyczeć, rzygać i rzucać się po całym pokoju. Kiedy juz nie miałem czym już bełtać i przepłukałem usta, zażądałem żeby powiedziała mi o co tu kurwa chodzi. Okazało się że głupia suka zdradziła mnie z jakimś kolesiem w tydzień po wyjeździe i nawet nie miała pojęcia, że coś z nią nie tak.
      
      Od tamtego czasu siedzę w mojej piwnicy, lecząc rzeżączkę w ustach i edukuję ludzi na temat prawidłowej konsumpcji mentosów. 

      Translated version

      Dear mirki. I am writing this story as a warning to all those who do not chew their mentos immediately after putting them in their mouths.
      
      Well, my girlfriend and I went to study in different cities. After a month of separation, we finally decided to meet, and as I was so happy about it, I decided to give her a cunnilingus.
      
      I've always liked it, but this time for some reason her pussy smelled like a dead pope and tasted even worse. I didn't want to offend her, so I took Mentos. In the process of licking, I accidentally shoved it into her, but luckily my fingers were dexterous and I quickly dug it out, put it back in my mouth and chewed it. Unfortunately, what was in my mouth was not a Mentos. It was a gonorrhea lump.
      
      (Note here that this lump was the size of a fucking Mentos)
      
      Instead of icy freshness, my mouth filled with pus. I started screaming, puking and throwing myself around the room. When I had nothing to argue with and rinsed my mouth, I demanded that she tell me what the fuck is going on here. It turned out that a stupid female dog cheated on me with some guy a week after we left and she had no idea there was anything wrong with her.
      
      Since then, I have been sitting in my basement treating gonorrhea in my mouth and educating people about the correct consumption of mentos.

      The year is 2035

        Doge Coin to the moon
        The year is 2035, you enter your local 7/11 to buy yourself a g fuel before your shift in the local crypto mine. The android working the counter says they only accept doge coin. You pull out your phone, draw a stick man in less than five seconds on a yellow back ground and then sell it as an NFT. From the sell you make 6 doge coin, about 5 million dollars in old world money. You go to buy the drink only to find out that from the time you closed your phone to the time you talked to the cashier the coins had dropped in value to only 3 dollars per coin and you now owe at least 10 doge coin to the robot for the gamer fuel. You leave the store, frustrated, and drive off in your Tesla

        Every morning I wake up…

          The life of a massive penis haver
          Every morning I wake up and I have to carry my massive penis over my shoulder so it doesn’t drag on the floor, I go to the bathroom and while sitting on the toilet I need to aim my penis in the urinal(they built a different urinal for me) because if I piss in the commod my penis will drop into the water(which is nasty). Every time I go to school I need to make sure I hide it properly so I wear large hoodies and utilize my penis as my belt. It takes me 2 hours to shower just so i can clean my penis properly, everytime I masturbate my cum releases from my penis the day after because the travel distance is so long. When I get an erection, the blood flow to my legs completely stops and I cannot stand or move. They almost cut my penis when I was born thinking it was my umbilical cord. Every girl I’ve had a chance to be with has been scared of me and ran away crying. This is the life of a fellow massive penis haver.

          My 86-year-old grandmother replied “OK, boomer” to my boomer aunt in an argument

            Based Grandma
            Backstory: I live round the corner from my gran and visit her often so thanks to me she has a vague grasp of what memes are and how they work. The other day when I was round at hers and she asked what memes were popular at the moment so I told her about the "OK boomer" meme. She knew what boomers were already so she was able to get the concept of this meme fairly easily.
            
            Fast forward to today, I'm over at my gran's again, and she's on the phone to my aunt. They got into a disagreement over a slightly racist comment my aunt made the other day (my gran is very much against racism) and my gran eventually just said "OK boomer" and hung up.
            
            I've never been so proud.
            
            UPDATE: So I told my gran about this post and the reaction it got - she said she's glad that so many of you enjoyed her little joke and that it proves she's still young at heart. I agree with that 100%.

            I watched my little pony for 6 hours to see some tits.

              My Little Pony
              So I was in 8th or 9th (about 13 or 14) and my ex's sister had a really big crush on me. And I kinda liked her too. Well we're in a Skype call and she's all like "Hey I want to watch my little pony but I'm scared I'll be made fun of" and I'm like I'll watch it with you. Fuck it. And she's like aww that's sweet I'll make it up to you. I'll show you my boobs. And blah blah. So we watched THE FUCKING ENTIRE FRIENDSHIP IS MAGICAL SERIES 6 HOUR YOUTUBE VIDEO and the video ends and I'm like sweet can you uh. And she's like "gotta go to sleep" never did get to see the tits. Kinda still bummed about.