Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
I'm 24 and male for context. As a young teen he used to gang up with his friends and bully me for literally no reason. Well we eventually grew up and school ended but honestly the bullying still fucks with me.
About 2 months ago I recognized his mom at a bar. She's one of those young and hot moms and I'm not the shy loser I used to be. She doesn't know who I am or what her son did. She was single and we hit it off and she came to my place that night and I fucked her like it was our wedding night. Even years later I fucking hate her son so much and fucking his mom has been incredible and even though I did this initially purely for revenge she's actually a wonderful person and I want to see where this goes and hopefully at least be able to be civil with him.
She told me she has a son about my age early on which I know obviously and this week she asked since we've been together for a couple months and are serious if I wanted to meet him this weekend. I said sure. We're having dinner Saturday night and I'm equally excited and nervous. I feel bad that this started as petty revenge because she deserves better than that but the fact is her son's a fucking prick and a loser. I grew up, I got in better shape, I have a decent job and make good money while he still lives with his mommy and doesn't work.
Well he's going to be in for a big surprise this weekend. She mentioned he was already uncomfortable that her new boyfriend is his age but oh man is he in for a worls of hurt. Especially when I eventually become his stepdad, move into that house and tell him he needs to either get a job or get out. As his stepdad I won't let him be a burden to his mother anymore and when he hears how vocal his mom is during sex he's going to want to move out anyway unless he enkoys hearing me breed his mother every night. This weekend is going to be great. I can't wait to see the look on his face.
I fucking hate Stuart Little. I know what you’re thinking, this is some kind of funny joke, but no. Stuart Little is a piece of shit. A damn rat got picked over actual children at an orphanage and he’s supposed to be a hero? And I can’t even tell you how many damn times I’ve seen a great parking space only to turn the corner and realise Stuart Little is already parked there in his stupid little fucking convertible. He took my wife and the kids and my house and my job. I swear to fucking god, I’m going to kill myself and take that goddamn rodent to hell with me. Stuart Little has ruined my family. Last summer, I approached the miserable mouse in the street, and asked him for his autograph, because my son is a huge fan. The fucking rat gave me the autograph and told me to burn in hell. Later, when I gave my son the autograph he started crying and said he hated me. Turns out the mousefucker didnt write his autograph, no, he wrote “you’re a piece of shit, and i fucked your mom”. I’m now divorced, and planning a huge class-action lawsuit against the white devil that ruined my life. Your time is almost over, Stuart. All the people you’ve wronged will rise against you.
Today I threatened a cashier at gun point to give me the $10 robux card sitting behind her counter. After a viscous shootout with the police, I returned to my house and set the card on my desk. I decided to take a shower to wash the gunpowder and blood off. After I’d bathed and listened to 30minutes of solid white noise to calm the voices in my head, I returned to my room to find the card missing. In the corner, my 8 year old brother was redeeming the card for himself before I could stop him he punched the last digit in and was awarded 800 robux to his account. In a fit of primal rage, I leapt the 25 feet between us and pounced on him, tearing him to shreds. His screams only fueled my rage. How dare he be surprised by my attack. I proceeded to rip the door off my truck and without turning the key and through pure willpower forced the vehicle to spontaneously appear in front of the main Roblox office. My molecules, refusing to coexist with any known law of physics, phased through the door. Again, through pure willpower, I molecularly reconstructed the front desk lady into a pile of Duracell rechargeable AA batteries. The people getting into the elevator saw this and started pressing the close door button. I telekinetically forced the doors back open and got inside while they screamed and begged. Their screams annoyed me so I growled at a frequency that irradiated their ions to the point of deconstruction. Once to the top floor I kicked the door to the CEO’s office open and sat down across from him. I summoned a photo of his children at gun point and demanded that he deposit 800 robux into my account. He did so earnestly. As I got up, he roared “all of this for $10!?” I smirked and said “the mitochondria is the power house of the cell” and leaped out his window from 87 stories up, stretching my skin into a wing suit, flying the 1,300 miles back to my home. I settled into my chair and surely enough, there were 800 robux in my account. I bought a pair of cosmetic wings and a cool hat.
I live in an apartment and I’ve been having issues with pigeons shitting on my balcony. It’s a balcony with a real nice view on top of a mountain, so it was really pissing me off that I can’t enjoy it properly. I like to cook, drink my tea there, but I’m afraid of catching diseases from the pigeon shit.
I read about pigeon deterrents online and tried everything. I put up spikes on the railing and edges, hung up CDs, put up fake scarecrow ravens and even tried playing high-pitched noises. They kept coming back and shitting all over my balcony. Nothing worked. I even bought a water gun to blast them with, and it only scares them away the moment I do it but they come back when I’m not around.
Today, I saw a pigeon land on my balcony and I absolutely lost my shit. I was struck with a primal urge to assert male dominance and went out, grabbed the pigeon, took it into my bathroom, and assfucked it raw over my toilet bowl. It felt good to show the pigeon who’s boss like how people do it in prison. My cock barely fit inside his small ass, and for a moment I thought my thrusts could kill or severely injure him. He started cooing and moaning, and he came all over my toilet bowl. I finished inside him raw.
I took him back to the balcony and released him so that he could tell all his friends how I humiliated him and pounded a gaping hole in his ass prison style. I thought this would scare them away for good.
But instead, he went and told all his friends that I fuck and now I have a bigger problem. The pigeons, both male and female keep coming to my window sill and balcony and harassing me begging me to fuck them. There is 100x more shit on my balcony now. They keep cooing, moaning, and banging against my windows begging for the dick.
I can’t leave my house anymore because when I do, they recognize me and mob me humping me and moaning. My plan didn’t go as expected at all and I don’t know what to do now. I can’t sleep at night because of all the cooing, moaning and banging against the windows. Is there a way to make myself unattractive to the pigeons? Has anyone dealt with this before?
Now there is also cum all over my windows and balcony. The wildlife authorities said pigeons are an endangered species now in the area because they stopped mating with each other cause they only want human dick. They are suing me for endangering the pigeons. I don’t have the money for this huge lawsuit please guys help me out here.
2 days ago i had to kill my friend (19m). it started when we where in maths class. we were making the usual quandale dingle and morbius memes when he asked to go to the bathroom. he never has to go so i was a bit sceptical. i (20m) snuck out and followed him, without his knowledge. i looked under the cubical he was in and saw him shitting into his hand and rubbing it all over him, onto the walls, his face and his penis. i then saw him beat his meat to morbius r34. when he cummed he shouted out quandale dingle, but he saw me. he shouted out my name, Jeremiah bingle. he tried breaking into the cubicle that i was in, still covered in shit, with his penis hanging out he shouted “ITS MORBIN TIME!” and started slapping me and punching me. he then ran into the classroom and grabbed his bag. i heard the screams. they were terrifying. he then grabbed a knife from his bag and started violently scraping the shit of himself and snorting it. i kicked him away and broke the toilet lid off. i then hit him over the head shouting “GET MORBED” as brain matter, blood and shit flew everywhere. after a few hits, he died. i am typing this in the back of a police van, covered in blood, poop and brain. i m going to court next week and i am pleading in self defense. AMA
So I'm a woman in my 30's. I made a throwaway because I don't want this tied to my main account at all. Yesterday our garbage disposal stopped working and I was trying to see why so I was looking around under the sink and I moved stuff out to get in there to look around more easily. In the very back tucked away was a mason jar that I thought was just over halfway full of kitchen grease at first but I realized it wasn't grease...I thought it looked like semen. I made the mistake of opening it and by the smell I knew that it was definitely semen. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Disgusted I threw it away in the dumpster outside. It had to have been my husband's but I don't know why he would save semen in a jar.
My husband got home and I asked him about it. He seemed very embarrassed and confessed it was indeed a jar full of semen he was filling for almost a year. I was shocked and asked him why? He said whenever it was my time of the month or I wasn't in the mood he'd jerk off into the jar after I went to bed. I asked him why not go in the toilet or use tissues or the shower or something. Why a fucking jar? He couldn't answer that other than saying hes been doing this since he was a kid. I told him I want him to stop using a jar because it's disgusting. He told me he didn't want to and asked where the jar was. I told him I threw it away and he was upset! He said it took him a long time to fill the jar that much and now he had to start over and we argued about him using a jar to store old jizz in.
I still don't understand why he wants to fill a jar for fucks sake. We argued about it and during the argument he opened the refrigerator, took a large jar of pickles and dumped it out and started rinsing it out and said, "This is the cum jar now!" Before I knew it I'm literally screaming at my husband about cumming in jars and told him he can either cum in me or the jar but not both. He clutched the jar and stormed off to the bathroom. I was literally speechless.
I sat down and started watching TV trying to take my mind off it when he came out and joined me and tried to patch things up. I asked him where he hid the jar and he wouldn't fucking tell me! He told me we should just forget about the fight, he apologized to me and told me he'd make sure I didn't have to see the jar if I didn't want to. I wanted us to stop fighting so I agreed and we didn't speak about it for the rest of the night. He fell asleep early but I laid in bed for over an hour thinking about the fucking jar. I don't understand why he's so intent on doing something so disgusting and I'm still angry about it.
Edit/Update: My husband got home and we sat down and talked. After a lot of prying I got him to come clean with me about why he cums in a jar and why it's in the kitchen.
He gets very excited when I eat his cum and he makes pancakes every weekend for breakfast and he mixes the cum into the pancake batter and gets off on me eating it without my knowledge or consent. He has been doing this regularly for our entire marriage and has mixed cum in other things I'veeaten and drank. I have of course swallowed his cum before but this is different because he did this without my knowing.
I honestly couldn't yell at him or even say anything. I felt numb. I just got up and started throwing shit in a bag while he tried to talk me down and stop me. I ended up leaving with some bare essentials and told him that I need space and will reach out to him when I'm ready to talk. I'm taking some time off of work and headed to a friend's house for a few days. I asked her if I could stay and she doesn't know why and honestly I don't know what to tell her or anyone else for that matter. I don't know what I'm going to do or what this means for our marriage. I feel disgusted, used and like trust in my husband has been severely damaged. I haven't cried or done anything yet. I stopped to get a bite to eat on the way to my friend's house and to try to figure out what to say to her because I know she'll have questions. I also think I need to cry first. Thank you to everyone who's been kind and supportive and offered good advice. Please keep it coming because I feel like I'm drowning here and I have no idea what to do.
