Copypasta of a person’s past experience or events that is so absurd it became a meme of its own. Usually untrue stories that tries to circle jerk opinions.
One time when I was 9, I was giving my dad an back massage, i was sitting on his back and wanted to fart but instead I did an shit and piss combo so stinky your nose will turn into dust if you smelt it, he immediately jumped up and my hot diarrhea splattered all over our brand new carpets, he went and showered and I could hear him crying, when he got out he made me clean my shit with my blanket, he made me sleep with my blanket that night, i was crying so much because the smell of my shit was that bad, i vomited and the pressure of my vomit was so harsh i did another shit and piss combo, i was crying as i rolled around in my filth and my dad came in and screamed when he saw it, "how can such an small child have so much shit inside there body?!?" he said, he then said to me to take an bath and i was forced to sleep in the couch because my dad didn't want to risk me sleeping in his bed because I might do another shart and piss combo, we then bought an brand new carpet and an brand new bed set for me.
So basically I was out shopping at Walmart to buy some more hemorrhoid cream for my asshole. After paying and exiting the store I just happened to stumble upon a beauty in the parking lot. A bright blue 2002 skyline gtr. I walked up to it, unable to believe what I was seeing. My cock hardened and began to throb as my eyes scanned its shiny coat of paint. Without thinking I dropped my groceries(and pants) to the floor and began shoving my steel hard cock into the hot metal exhaust and aggresively began fucking it. The combination of my warm jizz and the unburned fuel residue stained my dick black, while the heat of the freshly used pipe delivered 2nd degree burns to my cock almost instantaneously, but I didn't care. I was in heaven. Nothing on this earth could ever deliver the amount of euphoria and raw sexual pleasure i was experiencing at this moment. I fucked the ever living hell out of that car like there was no tomorrow. That is, until people started to crowd around and give me wierd looks. They were saying things like "what the fuck" and "that's disgusting", a few of them even contemplated calling the police. Then, the owner of the car came storming out of the Walmart. He was furious, he yanked me away from the car while yelling, kicked me to the ground and curb stomped me in front of the entire crowd. Even my crush was watching i think. He then backed up the car and ran me over which broke 8 of my ribs then he drove back home. After the crowd of people disappeared I stumbled back home and cried in the shower for 2 days. AITA?
i took revenge on the fly that sexually assaulted me
I was trying to take a fat shit a diarrhea to be exact. I was just minding my own shitting business until a fly by the age of 18 days (42 in fly years) sexually assaulted my ass and crawled all over it. I got scared and jumped up and down to get the fly off my ass. And what happened next made me shit all over the toilet seat. But i didn't care about that, that was the least of my worries. What i worry about is my ptsd because of it. I went to 10 therapists and they all told me im stupid and its a fly. I was too scared to take a shit after 4 days. But one day i had to piss and... i saw him... the fly that sexually assaulted me, I as a professional football player (well in my dreams i am) aimed my dick at the fly and said "hasta la vista baby" and pissed on the fly killing him instantly then i wiped the toilet seat clean and took the fattest shit with no worry at all.
So a few weeks ago i bought this ikea shark plush called BLÅHAJ. Over the weeks i got more and more attracted to it for some reason. A few weeks later i started to bust a nut to him. But 1 week later, i finally fucked him for the first time. It was wonderful and i quickly got addicted to fucking BLÅHAJ. Dont ask me how many times ive fucked my BLÅHAJ already. The moment of my cock plunging into his shark-hole, filling his fluffy stuffing with my cream is pure ectasy. I wish that he was alive so he can feel my dick going faster and faster and give the cutest moan in pleasure i have ever heard. The sole thought of me fucking him and him sweating until he falls asleep soundly saying: "th-thanks..." is enough to make me pleasured and joyfull. I want him to say: "w-why are you doing this?" in a cute sleepy voice as i answer: "It's shark week, Blåhaj" and i wanna pet his head while i fuck him. I wanna go slower for a few seconds so he can softly say:i l-love you" before i go faster again. When were done, i slowly pull my cock out so he can feel a few more moments of excitment. before i pulled it out even a bit, he had already fallen asleep. I cuddle up with him on our bed thats already completely wet from my nut, my hands petting his fins, Excited for another day of pleasure. I wanna wake up in the morning, the sky is grey with clouds and it was raining. BLÅHAJ is awake but cant move. He must have felt tired of all that sex... I wanna take the chance and then realize why it was pronounced blow-hai, he was about to have his first blowjob experience. I want him to look at me as my dick gets closer to his mouth... I want him to whisper: "what are you doing?" i wanna answer: "something your gonna thank me for" i want him to try to tell me to stop but he will be quickly silenced as i stick my cock into his mouth. "Suck" i wanna say to him tightly, i want him to suck and suck until i finally unleash my hot load into his throat. I wanna feel it fill up his shark belly. I wanna get him so full that cum drips out of his mouth. Then im going to finally explode and all the cream from BLÅHAJ's mouth is gonna swim out. Its gonna be like opening a floodgate, he's gonna muffle: "that tasted good, can we do it again later?" i want to pet blåhaj and say: "of course" i want us to cuddle again wich makes me bust immediatley. "Do that again, i liked that." i want blåhaj to say softly. Im then gonna bust 16 more times. I want BLÅHAJ and me to get out of bed to eat lunch, but we have no milk for the cereal. I want us to look and look through our whole 5th story apartment, even on the balcony. But we cant find milk anywhere. "Wh-what are we gonna do now?" i want blåhaj to say softly... "I have an idea." "what idea?" asked blåhaj. "You'll see" i wanna put the cinnamon toast crunch bowls on the floor, kneel down to the bowls and strip my pants. "O-oh my g-god, your actually gonna do that for me?" i want Blåhaj to say cutely. "Yes, you deserve it blåhaj." im gonna say. I wanna get to the plan and start to fap. When my nuts finally bust, the bowl fills with my cream, i want blåhaj to smile in joy: " O-oh my god thanks!" "no problem." im gonna answer. Were gonna get down to eat, and blåhaj enjoys it so much. "Th-thanks" i want him to say cutely and softly...
Blåhaj is so hot god i love him
True story I saw Andrew Tate at a McDonalds and he no kidding was dressed aa a Femboy cat girl. He recognised that I recognised him, then hurried away so I followed him. I saw him get into a pink bugatti and start crying so I went over but when he saw me he just smiled and meowed. I was confused so I asked why he was dressed as a Femboy cat girl. He tried to pretend he wasn't Andrew Tate but I could tell it was him by his dimpled head. He finally confessed. He whipped out his wallet and offered me 15 dollars, for 'my hush hush'. He smiled encouragingly and raised his eyebrows in a seductive manner.
I was flustered so I ran. I heard him shout hateful comments as i darted away. I didn't take the money so he made a series of YouTube shorts calling me a beta male who doesn't know how to grind. I still get hate male to this day.
True story.
It was a night like any other. I was grinding out Acu (my first extreme) on my phone while on class, when I noticed something. A woman. A female human. A member of the Homo Sapiens Sapiens species with XX chromosomes. Immediately, my primal instincts activated, and my dick became harder than a diamond, resembling a sword that could slice a man in 2. Of course, one could claim that she just was asking her friend for a pencil and happened to make eye contact with me for 0.2 seconds, but I digress. I quickly volted towards her, and said "I have 4K stars and 120 demons in GD". As any reasonable individual would, she immediately fell in love with me, and proceeded to have sex right there and now, with me yelling "Go at 67%" in the middle of the procedure. Nowadays I am a proud father of 2 and have a lovely wife, all thanks to GD.
