Dota 2

Topson

Topson is a pubstar, he’ll never make it to TI that quick

This is a satirical copypasta mocking the community’s reaction to Topson joining OG right before The International 2018 (TI8).

this is exactly why reddit takes are dumb... dude is a pubstar, those players never make it to TI that quick. They require a very specific set of players, otherwise I don't think going pro will make him have immediate success, would need a very controlled, pragmatic (or at least not chaotic) team like Puppey, GH or Kuroky and a farm specialist carry like Arteezy or Miracle who know how mid works so they can create him a bit of space and perhaps a recognized, settled offlane like MindControl, pasha or ice3x.

I mean yeah, OG is known for experiments and stuff like putting Notail carry (with great sucess), but to be absolutely honest with you, that's just delusion. I don't really think a team like OG would disband right now, especially because they need stability, and the only place this guy would fit is in midlane, even if they wanted to kick Reso, who is by far their most consistent player, they still have s4 for mid, so their problem is getting a reliable offlane, hopefully up with the pro meta and not just any random that hasn't played pro for a long time... and don't forget that Ana is currently inactive, also play that mid and let s4 keep the offlane. So no chance of this guy making it to TI ever, especially with a team like OG. Something really disastrous like fly leaving (which he won't for obvious reasons) or s4 going to another team is the only way i'd see him in OG

My name is Topias Taavitsainen.

My name is Topias Taavitsainen. I'm 21 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.

its hilarious u guys talk shit about Godson

i think its hilarious u guys talk shit about Godson,u wouldnt say this shit to him at lan, hes jacked. not only that but he wears the freshest clothes, eats at the chillest restaurants and hangs out with the hottest dudes. yall are pathetic lol.

i woke up early before work to watch topson vs noone

I dont want to be hater…i woke up early before work to watch topson vs noone. I was tired, but hyped af at the same time. But than i saw moxxi is casting and my hype just died. She was talking About how pudge in Dendi era would get flamed for farming and her co caster literally did not know what to say lmao. She missed all the cool small thing that players were doing. Tusk saving madman topson. She is talking just to talk and most of the time it is mega nonsense. Not knowing spell and item names is cherry on the top. This is not friendly match, but literally world championship in DotA… im not angry, im just sad that even toh she got oportunity to cast mby two best of the midlaners in the world she come super unprepared :(

Sorry for my englando, its not my first or second language :)

NBA + Dota 2 (Topson) crossover

33 yelled out, “There you go! There you go.” Former midlaner Nine gave a look of pleasant surprise. Carry Skiter yelled out, “We got an [expletive] squad now.” And before Topson hit the locker room door, former TI winner AUI2000 hugged him and said, “Y’all look so different.”

At one point in a scrimmage, sources said, Topson turned to Coach AUI_2000 and screamed, " You (bleeping) need me. You can't win without me." Topson left teammates largely speechless. He dominated the midlane in every way. Topson's back.

“He got me,” said Quinn of Topson's first blood over him. "That f***ing Topson boomed me." Quinn added, “His behavior scores so good,” repeating it four times. Quinn then said he wanted to add Topson to the list of players he mutes at the start of the game.

Dark Willow

The biggest oversight with Dark Willow is that she's unbelievably sexy. I can't go on a hour of my day without thinking about plowing that tight wooden ass. I'd kill a man in cold blood just to spend a minute with her crotch grinding against my throbbing manhood as she whispers terribly dirty things to me in her geographically ambiguous accent.

The biggest🙌💯oversight🔭🔍with Dark✊🏾Willow🌳is that she's unbelievably sexy🤤💦🍆. I can't go on a hour🕐of my day🌞without thinking💭💦about plowing👉👌🚜that tight😳wooden🌳ass💦🍑. I'd kill🔫😱a man👨 in cold❄️blood😈just to spend💷a minute⏱️with her crotch🍑😫grinding against my throbbing💦🍆💦manhood💦🍆💦as she whispers🙊😫terribly dirty💩💩things to me in her geographically🌍🌎ambiguous🌏🗺️accent🇮🇪.

I’ve been seeing this copypasta floating around about wanting to “bang Dark Willow”

Okay. So, I’ve been seeing this copypasta floating around about wanting to “bang Dark Willow”, and frankly- I think this is disgusting. First of all, her name isn’t “Dark Willow”, it’s Mireska. It’s a beautiful name for a beautiful person, and you would all do well to refer to her as such. If you don’t even know her name, than you have no right wanted to have sex with her!

Secondly, wanting to bang her is just gross. Saying that you want to bang Mireska is objectifying her, and it is not okay. If you’ve ever wanted to bang Mireska, you should be disgusted with yourself.

Unlike you cretins, I however- respect her. Sure, it’s possible I may consider her to be rather bangable, but I wouldn’t dare do such a thing. Mireska is a fucking queen, and deserves to be treated as such.

I DO NOT want to bang “Dark Willow". I want to hug her. I want to be in a healthy and loving relationship with Mireska. I want to wake up every morning in bed, with her lying peacefully next to me as the morning sun shines in through the window. I want to make her breakfast every morning, and tend to her every need. I want her to feel like she is truly loved, (because she is). I want her to be by my side for my whole life, because I know that she is the perfect woman for me, and I am perfect for her.

I want to be to be with her every day, just so I can tell her how much I fucking love her. I want her to know how much I adore everything amazing personality, her incredible fashion sense, her extremely impressive caretaking abilities, and her absolutely beautiful wing to body ratio, and her beautiful, beautiful eyes. However, if I were to ever have sex with Mireska, wouldn’t simply be “banging” her. If Mireska were to ever consent to me having sexual intercourse with her, it would be tender and loving and passionate. As we make love, I’d slowly and gently caress her soft, fluffy wings as I slowly but deliberately thrusted into her tight wooden pussy. I would make her pleasure my utmost priority, with my own being secondary. But if she was willing, than oh god. What I wouldn’t give to feel her adorable little antennas running up and down the length of my shaft. I just wanna pet every inch of her body, and give her scritches on her tummy so she does that thing that fairies do where their wings spaz out. That’d just be so fucking hot. I’d probably end up cumming all over her, so it gets on her wings. But goddamn. I love those wings wo much, that I’d personally lick off every last drop of cum, just to I have another opportunity to get as close to her gorgeous wings as possible.

But if you just want to bang her, than you are a disgusting degenerate, and I hope you burn in the deepest pits of tartarus.

Why isn’t Dark Willow real? Every day I wake up and feel nothing.

Why isn't Dark Willow real? Every day I wake up and feel nothing. I feel literally nothing. I don't have anything to do. I don't have anything to look forward to. My life is just one big void, a dark void without a bottom. The only time when I feel anything at all is when I play Dark Willow. Mireska is the only happiness I have left in this shitty life. I work well below minimum wage in some shady fast food restaurant. I don't even know if what I'm doing is legal. I guess I never even bothered to think. That just goes to show how big of a fucking idiot I really am. I just work mindlessly for 8 hours a day. All the money I don't spend on food, rent and water goes to Dark Willow commissions. I've played the hero about 1300 times now. I don't regret anything. Without Mireska I would've killed myself anyways. I'm a parasite, my life does nothing but bother people. Dark Willow is the only reason I even bother to wake up, even if it means 10 more hours of suffering before I can play Dota again. I am still wondering why Mireska can't be real. If she were real I would have actual motivation. Right now I am aware of how big of a disgusting loser I am. Maybe if Mireska was real I could find true happiness. But no. Those things can't happen. It's a game, it isn't real. I can't stand it anymore. I want to feel the wooden skin. I want to touch Mireska. Everyday without Mireska is pure pain. It's pure suffering. Even if I can watch her on the screen, it isn't enough. I can't count the amount of money I've spent on commissions for Dark Willow hentai. I'm such a pathetic loser. Every night I dream of being with her, only to once again wake up to this shitty life I have.

There’s a boy who loves playing Dota 2. On his birthday…

A touching story
byu/Jun13 inDotA2

There's a boy who loves playing Dota 2. On his birthday, his long-time crush asked, "What's the phrase that you hear most often when playing Dota 2?" Wanting to impress the girl, he answered, "Of course it's 'Rampage'!" The girl heard it and left. After a few days the girl asked the boy to lend her his computer, for his birthday gift. The boy finally got back his computer & searched for a Dota 2 game immediately. When the game started he realized that the girl has replaced all the in-game announcer sounds with recordings of her own cute voice. Years passed. The boy and the girl are no longer in contact. When the boy finally got a Rampage for the first time in his life, he was overwhelmed with regret. Because that was when he heard, "I love you". The moral of the story, is that.. NOOBS DON'T DESERVE LOVE.

I cry evry tiem

liek if u cri

Fak em so sed

i liek cz i cri

Can Doom please be allowed to do anything other than walk at you?

It started as a shitpost rant on the hero Doom in Dota 2 which became a meme.

I'm fucking sick of it. 10 years ago Doom would jump you ass. He'd slap you with Doom sure, and then lvl Doom, and maybe then he'd Centaur stomp you or something, but then everything else is up to everyone else and if he fucked it up? Bad, but he's still a hero underneath it. Sort of like how Enigma has black hole AND something to take towers. A little bit of synergy.

But modern Doom is about as synergistic as a rat slapping a button for cocaine. Dude clicks on himself and then walks at you. What the actual fuck is that? It's like the dev team were told "guys, you can't just make a hero who walks at people" and they all looked at each other and asked why not. And then every other mistake followed like the consequences for my actions returning with the shaking of the earth. No spells, no healing, no items, max movespeed, this mother fucker is just going to w a l k at you. Rename him from DOOM to fucking WALK.

What do you build then? Useful auras? Powerful fighting items? Fuck no. Your ass gets phase, blink, Shivas, Aghs, and refresher. Why? So you can fucking walk at people.

"Oh gee, sounds like you want Doom to just suck and-" No. I just want Doom to do something other than WALK. On my team. WALK. On their team. WALK. And because WALK is such a giant hit of dopamine to the highly coordinated swarm of cocaine rats that presumably main Doom they have to slap a "Fuck yo healing" passive into button Doom in the off case the hero in question manages to waddle away from the permanently hasted doom into fountain.

And can you ignore this? No. It's every fight. Every fight this giant Meth-ed out rodent is scurrying all over the fucking screen with a giant smile on his face knowing he is not only playing his hero well, but playing his hero at literally peak performance.

Look at his spells.

Devour: Gives him gold so he can buy items to walk with

Scorched Earth: It's a fucking walking spell

Infernal Blade: Gives him a button to press while walking

Doom WALK: Walk at the enemy

What a mess. How did it come to this.

(Deadlock) Can Victor please be allowed to do anything other than walk at you?

I’m fucking sick of it. There are plenty of heroes that jump you ass. Lash slaps you with ground pound, and then flog, and maybe he’d death slam you or something, but then everything else is up to everyone else and if he fucked it up? Bad, but he’s still a hero underneath it. Sort of like how Dynamo has black hole AND something to heal the team. A little bit of synergy.

But modern Victor is about as synergistic as a rat slapping a button for cocaine. Dude clicks 3 and then walks at you. What the actual fuck is that? It’s like the dev team were told “guys, you can’t just make a hero who walks at people” and they all looked at each other and asked why not. And then every other mistake followed like the consequences for my actions returning with the screaming of the midboss. No spells, max healing, no items, max movespeed, this mother fucker is just going to w a l k at you. Rename him from VICTOR to fucking WALKOR.

What do you build then? Heroic Aura? Powerful fighting items? Fuck no. Your ass gets fleetfoot, enduring speed, cold front, scourge, and refresher. Why? So you can fucking walk at people.

“Oh gee, sounds like you want Victor to just suck and-” No. I just want Victor to do something other than WALK. On my team. WALK. On their team. WALK. And because WALK is such a giant hit of dopamine to the highly coordinated swarm of cocaine rats that presumably main Victor they have to slap a "Fuck yo move speed" passive into aura of suffering in the off case the hero in question has any hope of waddling away from the permanently 20+ movespeed victor into fountain.

And can you ignore this? No. It’s every fight. Every fight this giant Meth-ed out rodent is scurrying all over the fucking screen with a giant smile on his face knowing he is not only playing his hero well, but playing his hero at literally peak performance.

Look at his spells.

Pain Battery: Rewards you for walking at people

Jumpstart: Faster walking

Aura of Suffering: It’s a fucking walking spell

Reanimate: When you die you can keep walking

What a mess. How did it come to this.

Most people who play Outworld Devourer all year round have dull eyes, extremely self-loathing and rapid declining intelligence, ultimately becoming completely fools.

This is a famous Outworld Devourer (OD) meme in Chinese Dota2 forums back in 2016. The original post would be a dude sharing a screenshot of a Faceless Void player’s angry comments about OD players after getting rekt several times by OD’s Astral save during a pub game.

The real origin of the copypasta was from the sub-forum of people who try to quit porn in Baidu Tieba. The OD main players was originally people who masturbate often.

Most people who play Outworld Devourer all year round have dull eyes, extremely self-loathing and rapid declining intelligence, ultimately becoming completely fools. Playing OD can damage the body structure and cause various incurable diseases. Once a person starts playing Outworld Devourer, it indicates that their intelligence, morals, and appearance are all inferior, and they can only survive in the filth of the sewer for a lifetime. Players who play OD have strong anti-social tendencies, are highly potential of causing damage to public security and stability, endangering the lifes of normal civilians.

常年玩黑鸟的人大都目光呆滞,极度自卑,且智商逐年下降,最后完全沦为傻子。 玩黑鸟会破环身体结构,引发各种不治之症。 人一旦开始玩黑鸟就说明这个人的智慧品行样貌通通都是下等,这辈子只能在阴沟里苟延残喘。 玩黑鸟的玩家具有强烈的反社会倾向.对治安稳定造成破坏危害正常人的生命。

After Somnus’s OD rampage against Entity in TI, a new version of the copypasta emerged, which was promptly served alongside the image Somnus looking like he ruined his entire life being gooner followed by the reverse one.

Most people who play Outworld Destroyer all year round have crystal-clear eyes, exude extreme self-confidence and rapidly growing intelligence, ultimately becoming complete geniuses. Playing OD can reconstitute the body structure and create various medical wonders. Once a person starts playing Outworld Destroyer, it indicates that their intelligence, morals, and appearance are all best of the best, and they can with certainty accomplish anything most honourably in their lifetime. Players who play OD have strong senses of social identity and social responsibility, are highly contributive to public security and stability, and enjoy the effect of increased longevity.

常年玩黑鸟的人大都目光清澈,极度自信,且智商逐年升高,最后完全变成天才。玩黑鸟会重塑身体结构,创造各种医学奇迹。人一旦开始玩黑鸟就说明这个人的智慧品行样貌通通都是上上等,这辈子肯定能光明正大的做成任何事。玩黑鸟的玩家具有强烈的社会认同和社会责任感，对治安稳定起到推进作用，对正常人有延年益寿的效果。

Riyadh Masters used to mean something

Riyadh Masters used to mean something
byu/Morgn_Ladimore inDotA2

Its a Dota2 shitpost of a previous post where OP was complaining about the lack of hype and prestige for T1.

Some of you might not agree with me but man, Riyadh Masters used to really mean something.

Year after year, we see the prizepool drop. I remember when it used to be a staggering 15 million. 15 million! It was almost enough to make me forget about the fact that the tournament is run by a brutally oppressive regime that imprisons and executes dissenting individuals. While watching those epic games, I barely thought about that journalist they killed on embassy ground and chopped up into little pieces with bone saws.

From 15 million at its peak, to a measly 3 million this year. 3 million. What a joke. That's not nearly enough money for me to ignore the fact that the Saudi government very recently executed a journalist for criticizing the regime. Or that they sentenced a female fitness instructor to 11 years in prison for advocating for women's rights. Or that they imprisoned a teacher for years for writing a blog critical of the royal family. Or that much of their wealth is built on a foundation of brutal slave labour.

You can also tell it has lost that old-school human rights violating charm because teams aren't even bothering to put out vapid statements anymore about how they really care about progressive ideals, but will still attend because money. Where is the hypocrisy? The virtue signalling? This is not the Riyadh Masters I fell in love with. It feels like they don't even care about sportswashing anymore.

I don't know, I guess I'm just...disappointed? We're not even important enough to pander to anymore. Maybe the pro scene really is dying, like all those innocent people locked up in Saudi prisons on trumped up charges.

Not sure I'll even watch this year.

TI used to mean something

TI used to mean something
byu/NoSwimming6937 inDotA2

Some of you might not agree with me but man, TI used to really mean something.

I remember when I started playing Dota it was the absolute best time of the year (not to discredit all the in game events we used to get). But u mean seriously I used to log on after school and build a fantasy team, try to predict all sorts of things in my compendium. There was a prize pool which was epic to track and follow throughout the months leading up to TI there was in game UI thematics revolving around TI.

After the compendium times came battle pass times and I know the dota community is the definition of the grass is always greener, but man I had no money back then but still managed to think it was so cool and still got the free rewards.

Some of you enjoyed the crown fall event I honestly thought it was super boring I don’t really enjoy reading all the stuff and just played the roll and got 2 arcana’s which is super cool, but literally anything to create hype for the biggest competition in E sports would be nice ?? Just anything to remind people that TI is just 2 months away, if I didn’t just check liquidpedia I wouldn’t know TI is right around the corner.

Obviously the games not dead but if there’s one event during the entire year which means enough in Dota 2 to garner some types of in game events or count down or hype or anything it’s TI. I feel like TI has been boiled down to a smaller event which doesn’t really matter as much anymore, largely because of the prize pool which is one thing, but even more so because of lack of in game content. Last year was alright but I honestly don’t think I ever looked twice at any sticker or player card I got. The voice lines were nice though but seems like that won’t be the case this year.