I sexually Identify as the sun. Ever since I was a child I dreamed of slamming hydrogen isotopes into each other to make helium & light and send it throughout the galaxy. People say to me that a person being a star is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded, but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon inflate me with hydrogen and raise my temperature to over 6000 °C. From now on I want you guys to call me “Sol” and respect my right to give you vitamin D and probably sunburns. If you can’t accept me you’re a fusion-phobe and need to check your astral privilege. Thank you all for being so understanding.
No, it's not gay to draw girls with dicks. In fact, it is the only proper way to draw girls. Let me explain. In medieval heraldic tradition, to draw an animal without a penis, or "pizzle" as they called them, was considered a great offense. A large, erect penis symbolized strength and valor. The larger the penis, the more honorable the animal. In fact, in 1579, when a depiction of the coat of arms of Appenzell was printed in Saint Gallen with the bear on the arms missing the pizzle, Appenzell almost declared war. In more recent times, when the Swedish Nordic Battlegroup removed the pizzle from their lion to not offend people, the herald who designed the original coat of arms was greatly insulted. He said that the army didn't understand heraldry, and that coats of arms with lions without penises were historically given to people who betrayed the Swedish Crown. This is why I draw girls with dicks. It's not a fetish, it's because I respect women and don't want to depict them as traitors or cowards. When you think about it, if you ever draw a girl without a large, erect penis, you are actually making subtle misogynistic implications.
Did you know that in the May 30th 1990 edition of the Garfield comic strip, Jon Arbuckle drinks dog semen? It's true, Jim Davis says that it's a protein drink to help pregnant animals but frankly I think Jim Davis is a fucking liar, fuck you Jim you can't even write a single adult joke without backtracking? I expected more out of the artistic integrity of my daily newspaper comic strips, Jim. Instead you play me like this, play me like a fool who doesn't know what dog semen is. Well Jim I know what dog semen is and you can't hide it from me.
Jeff Bezos has 121 BILLION dollars. The population of earth is 7 billion people. He could give every person 1 BILLION dollars and end poverty, and he would still have 114 billion dollars left over but he wond do it. This is what capitalist greed looks like!
It’s 2036. Your mom was an e girl with an onlyfans and your dad is a sadboi guitarist. 98% of the Caucasian male students in school are named Aiden. Every afternoon you come home to check on Mom because she still thinks posting memes about wanting to die are in. She sees you pull out your homework and you sigh. “No, mom. I don’t want to listen to Lo-Fi beats to study and relax to.” She looks mildly disappointed but perks up again. “No horror trap/witch house either,” you interrupt. SadDad walks in and pats you on the back, but not before saying “Aye, fam. You look a little upset, u wanna go get a face tat?”
I'm surprised that "Karen" isn't a more popular porn category. Like, there's so much potential.
Karen: "Excuse me, but do you have this milk in a different size? I need 2 liters, but you guys only have 1 liter!"
Guy who looks really young, but trust me, he's an adult: "Umm... I'm not so sure, I'll have to check in the back."
Karen: "Ugh, hurry up then."
Guy goes in the back to look for the milk, but instead of looking for the milk, he peeks out the door to get short glimpses of Karen's milk jugs
Guy starts touching himself, eventually unzipping his pants to start stroking his meat
Camera pans to Karen's body, occasionally zooming in on Guy's face and pp, because fuck you
Karen, after busting through the door: "UHH HELLO? WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG!?!?"
Guy, quickly grabbing a bag of frozen chicken nuggets to cover his junk: "Uhh ummm nothing! I'm just looking for your milk!"
Karen, while grabbing the back of nuggets: "THAT'S NOT MILK, THESE ARE NUGGETS YOU DUMBASS"
The guy does a death grip on the bag, desperately trying to hide his junk
Karen pulls it hard enough to break the guy's grip, exposing his hard cock
Karen does that trademark Brazzers shocked face. You know, the one everyone makes on PornHub ads. You know what the fuck I'm talking about
Karen: "What the fuck???"
The guy: "No no no, it's not what it looks like! Please don't call my manager!"
Karen walks away, but slips, and the guys penis magically slips inside of her
They start fucking
The porn ends with the manager walking in and saying "What the fuck???"
Edit: if you make porn and are gonna use this can you just put my username somewhere in there please. It will be like the ultimate bragging right.
