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Cursed Thoughts

Cursed thoughts shared in discussions that is ridiculous and absurd in nature that it became a meme. Usually about popular characters and people.


I fucking hate Wobbuffet

    B-but he's my favorite Pokémon
    I fucking hate Wobbuffet with a burning passion. Which dingus thought giving it both Shadow Tag, Encore and Destiny bond was a good idea? It's so frustrating playing Showdown and trying to sweep only for this big blue dildo to suddenly jump on screen and prevent you from switching out because of Shadow Tag. You're forced to watch as its stupid poker face traps you in a loop of status moves so when it reflects your attacks it's guaranteed to obliterate your heaviest hitter like it thinks it's Exodia or something while it screams "WOBBUFUCKINGFFET!". God damnit I hate this thing.

    Pov: You are approached by the band kid

      The final boss was the band kid all along
      T-pose! Sorry, I was just asserting my dominance... So you’re new here, right? Heh, I’ve noticed you’re a bit small there, you’re a little bit of a quiet potato. Me, I’m a big Chungus as you can see. Yeah, I’m in the band, uh, I play trumpet. Yeah and maybe a little bit of trombone, y’know? If I’m feeling it, yeah? Do you go on reddit? Do you like Rick and Morty? Me too! Do you watch callmecarson? oh really? That's pretty poggers wholesome of you. My favorite video game is cyberpunk, becuase keanu reeves is in it. ..You don't know who that is? Not very epic of you. No no, its ok. I wont get too mad at you, my princess. Yeah uh, wanna join my discord? Yeah that's right, mine. I am a moderator after all. My nickname on discord is daddy, so you should call me that too. You can be my kitten, too! hey wait it's just a joke haha r/wosh wow you can't even take a joke.Hahaha, unless? Anyways do you like anime? My favorite is corey in the house or shrek. Yeah, came up with that one myself. Im pretty funny huh.Oh, you like naruto? Thats pretty normie cringe. If you really knew your stuff, you'd watch 私の肛門が脱出している聖なるたわごと救急車を呼んでください. yeah that's right, i can speak japanese. I can speak 5- no, 6 other languages, but i dont want to brag too much. So uh, haha wouldn't it be funny if you sent me a picture of ur feet as a prank? Man i sure would hate that. That would be awful. hahaha please dont. Wow, look at my phone! 69%! Haha nice. "Thanks for the gold kinda stranger" haha you use reddit right? No? It's alright. You should get it though. Wowww youre downloading reddit on your phone? r/foundthemobileuser much. Hahaha i also choose this guy's dead wife. Nonono wait its like a meme wow rwoosh again
      
      Well anyways, ive got to get back to class. You should join the anime club! You're alright, for a woman. haha r/latervirgins amirite

      If Catholics Believe Nuns Are Married to Christ, and Bread Is the Body of Christ, Nuns Should Be Allowed to Have Sex With Bread.

        Lord forgive me for what I'm about to do
        CMV: If Catholics believe nuns are married to Christ, and bread is the body of Christ, nuns should be allowed to have sex with bread.
        
        This assumes the bread is consecrated, as in the eucharist. As I see it, if Catholics believe that: Sex within marriage is allowed, but outside of marriage is sinful; Nuns are married to Christ; The eucharist transubstantiates into the literal body of Christ; then it follows that they should be able to have sex with said bread.
        
        The only possible counterexample I can think of is that procreation is impossible via sex with bread, but, from some Googling, it appears that Catholics are still able to have sex within marriage after conception is no longer possible (i.e., post-menopause) as long as they do not actively try and prevent conception (source here). I can't imagine an objection based on non-monogamy given the inherent non-monogamy of all nuns being married to Christ.
        
        Please change my view, this thought is haunting me.

        Who else pretends their penis is a gear shift lever on a manual car when their penis gets hard randomly in bed?

          now THIS is TOP GEAR
          Who else pretends their penis is a gear shift lever when it gets hard and pretends to shift from Reverse to 1st gear, 2nd gear, 3rd gear, 4th gear, and finally 5th gear?
          
          Usually when my penis gets hard I’d just masturbate it off but recently I’ve just been getting tired of masturbating. It just not the same anymore. It puts me right to sleep, gets cum all over me, and I just been feeling miserable and dirty after it.
          
          Now, my alternative has been pretending it is a gear shift lever on a manual car. It can be pretty funny.
          
          I seriously hope I’m not the only one.
          
          WARNING: YOU IT’S EASY TO HURT YOUR PENIS WHILE PRETENDING IT’S A GEAR SHIFT LEVER. REPLICATE THIS PRACTICE ONLY AT YOUR OWN RISK.

          I want to bang the Jackie Chan Cookie

            Jackie chan cookie do be turning me on
            Holy fucking shit. I want to bang the Jackie Chan Cookie so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time I go to the Facebook I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of him online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Jackie Chan Cookie. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Jackie Chan Cookie tight chocolate chip pussy. I want him to have my mutant human/cookie babies.
            
            Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with the neighbors oven. I'd baked cookies in it and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my phone. I might not ever get to see Jackie Chan Cookie again.

            How to know if a dolphin wants sex

              changing my monthly fetish to dolphin sex
              There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex. Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement.
              
              Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.
              
              Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active. When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough...) WARNING! You should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can cum as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death.
              
              A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other.
              
              Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship. Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.
              
              Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited.
              
              Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation. Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body.
              
              There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time. One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a dolphin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.