Bro, I can’t even explain it. Capella is… like… peak goon material. Yeah, I know she’s objectively horrifying, yeah, her personality is toxic but you can’t tell me there isn’t a certain energy there. I’m out here like a whole clown, willingly simping for a woman who shapeshifts into nightmares. This is some next-level Stockholm Syndrome. Like, yeah, I get it, I’m not right in the head, but look, her wings? Majestic. Her aura of literal terror? Lowkey attractive. Every time I think, ‘That’s it, I’m done with Capella,’ she goes and does something despicable, and boom—I’m back in goon mode. I know she’s bad news. I know it. But I’m already halfway down the rabbit hole, and I’m not about to stop now. Call it a personality flaw. Call it a curse. All I know is, Capella has got me locked up like the DMV on a Friday afternoon, and I’m out here willingly. Help. Send therapy.