I tried hooking up with a dude one time. It was hilarious... Because I was like, you know what? Like, women are the worst. Gay dudes seem to have it so easy. Like, so easy. I’m at a restaurant, my phone blows up, and it’s, like, Grindr, and someone else is like, ‘I’m at the same restaurant. Do you want a blowjob in the bathroom?’ And you’re like, ‘Hey, guys. I’ll be back in five minutes.’ Okay, this could work. This could work. Yeah. Let’s try this.’ I remember I started making out with him, and I just remember being like, God! Beards! Oh I get why women like it when you shave! Like, this thing is f*cking rough. Like, how do I get in there? I put my arms around him and I was like, ‘Oh my God! And these shoulders are so wide! He’s so big! He’s almost my height. Like, this is so strange.’ It did physically for me absolutely nothing. Nothing, like, not even a twitch. He reached for my d**k and I responded, ‘You’re not going to touch my flaccid penis. Like, this is not going to happen.’