By u/StarliteSun, its the Xiangling copypasta but changed to Agalea from Honkai Star Rail specificially for the Currency Wars event.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Aglaea. I try to play Castorice. My Aglaea deals more damage. I try to play Phainon. My Aglaea deals more damage. I try to play Archer. My Aglaea deals more damage. I want to play Anaxa. His best team has Aglaea. I want to play Hyacine, Tribbie—they both want Aglaea.
She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her quadruple boots. She isn't satisfied. I give her 10,000+ ATK. "I don't need this much ATK," she tells me. "Give me more SPEED." She grabs Sunday, RMC, Tingyun, Huohuo—even Saber and Yunli and forces them to advance her or give her energy. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with BOOTS+BOOTS+BOOTS+BOOTS+BOOTS+BOOTS."
I can't get more boots, I don't have enough equipment, I only have the knife, the star, and the armor item. She grabs my reroll button and spams it LVL 5 until my interest vanishes along with the rest of my coins. My economy is ruined. She's not 3-star yet. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Garmentmaker. She says, "Thus our fates become one." There is no hint of sadness in her eyes. Nothing but pure voracity for speed and boots and action advances and energy. 
This variation was written by u/No_Employ4768 as a comment on Agalaea speed meta in Currency Wars.
I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Aglaea. I try to play Phainon. Aglaea deals more damage. I try to play Qingque. Aglaea deals more damage. I try to play Firefly. Aglaea deals more damage. I want to play Cyrene. Her best team has Aglaea. I want to play Trailblazer, Hyacinthia - they both want Aglaea. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her Anti-Grav Boots. She isn't satisfied. I synthesize another Propeller "I don't need this much speed to dmg scaling" She tells me. "Give me more actions." She grabs Sunday and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to make me act more. I can deal more damage with a Privileged Anti-Grav Boots." I can't get a Privileged Anti-Grav Boots, I don't have the item. She refreshes my investments. It doesn't show up. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Garmentmaker. She says "Garmentmaker, get them." They chase me at full speed—Aglaea rolling on her wheelchair. There is no hint of hesitation in their eyes. Nothing but pure, quadratic speed to damage scaling. What a cruel world.