The Envelope joke is an old system administrator (sysadmin) story from 2013 that highlights the chaotic and reactive nature of the job. The meaning of each Envelopes are:
- Envelope 1: “Blame the previous sysadmin.”
- Initial Problems: New sysadmins often inherit a system with existing issues. The first envelope gives them a temporary scapegoat, allowing them to buy time to understand the environment.
- Envelope 2: “Blame the hardware.”
- Hardware as a Catch-All: When other explanations fail, “hardware failure” is a convenient and often believable excuse.
- Envelope 3: “Update your resume.”
- Inevitability of Change: Eventually, the sysadmin will run out of excuses, and the only option left is to move on to a new job. This reflects the high-pressure and sometimes thankless nature of the role.
A fellow had just been hired as the new sysadmin of a large high tech corporation. The sysadmin who was leaving met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said.
Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, there a major DoS attack against the infrusture and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor."
The sysadmin went to his superiors and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous admin because of bad security. Satisfied with his comments, management responded positively, he sorted it all out, got the servers running again and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a major outage, combined with serious hacking problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the sysadmin quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Blame the cloud hosts." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive months of no downtime, the servers once again acted up. The admin went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.
The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."