So, I was at this cattle fair with me dad when I was seven.

All these fucking cows around, as you do get at the cattle fairs. And then this one cow got this trapped wind, like--there's a technical name for it, but I don't know what the fuck it is. Anyways, this cow starts expanding like a mad thing, starts really ballooning up, and that's really dangerous, because they can die like that. And nobody knew what to do, til this short, tiny fella popped up. He was just passing by, like. And he takes out a fucking screwdriver and jumps into the pen, and everybody's going, "Oh fuck, no," like. And the short fella starts stabbing big fucking holes in the side of this cow, like. And we all thought he was mental, going stabbing a cow, like. But then the cow started deflating back to normal, because that's what you're supposed to do with a cow with trapped wind--stab the fucker. So everybody gave this short fella a round of applause, for being so on the ball, like. But then he starts giving us his whole life story about what an expert he is on fucking cows. And he says this gas that's coming out of the cow, it's the exact same gas as the gas in your oven back home. And everybody said, "Fuck off, is it the same." But the short fella said, "It is! Watch." And he lights the fucking gas, like! So there's this stream of fucking fire shooting out of this cow! And we were so impressed, like, and we gave him another round of applause. But the gas must have backed up inside or something, because the cow fucking exploded.

Best day of me fucking life, that cow exploding.