Breaking news from Reykjavík, Iceland, where a crazed American man has been arrested after breaking into a hotel kitchen after close. It is alleged that he was a guest staying in the hotel.
Witnesses said that staff were alerted by his noisy presence, and when they tried to communicate with him, he ran around with his arms flailing, screaming that he was going to "flash bear stun the crab". Kitchen staff have confirmed that all seafood is delivered daily to maintain freshness, so there were no crabs to be found. As they tried to corner the man, he shouted "blabber fish in top river running from a rumble in the top side jungle!". He continued, "It's a rookie mad lion!".
Police arrived onsite shortly after and took the man into custody, whilst he further protested and screamed about needing to "smite the cloud dragon". He was taken to a local psychiatric facility for his condition to be assessed. Doctors reported, "It's terrible, I've never seen someone so deluded; he seems to think he is both a bear and a fish, simulatenously in a cloud, a river, and a jungle", whilst also noting on his obsession with crabs and dragons. The doctor remarked, "I've never seen someone so high on copium".
