AITA FOR SKULL FUCKING MY BEST FRIEND’S MOM’S CORPSE?

Context: My best friend from college was an extreme all-rounder. From excelling at academics to having a great social life and relationships, he had it all covered. I never resented him but had this animalistic urge to pull him down to a deprived state, to be above him in the social hierarchy. WHAT BETTER WAY TO DO THIS THAN FUCKING HIS MOM, RIGHT?

I mean, I will always be superior to him, No matter how much he accomplishes. Anyways so, I made this the goal of my otherwise meaningless life. I would repeatedly tell him, "I'm going to fuck your mom," but he thought I was joking (You wanna bet?).

And So, initially, I snooped around his legal documents (which were easy to get a hold of since he was my roommate). I would tease him occasionally, but that was just cheap fun, time to kick it up a notch.

During sleepovers at his house, I would discreetly try to strike up conversations with his mother, but See, Indian parents can be unnecessarily conservative. They won't even have sex with one another, let alone cheat with a stranger. So the chances of me seducing her were dim, to begin with. Drugging her was out of the question (because that would be rape, and it's illegal in India), and I obviously won't indulge in such demeaning acts.

Consent is not overrated, as some hooligans believe.

So my only option was to wait for her to die and fuck the decaying brains out of Ex-Mrs.M (Ex for Expired lmfaoo).

Patience does pay. Finally, after waiting 20 dreadful years, the (D for dick, haha) D-Day came, for which I waited so anxiously. He invited me to her funeral. After all, I'm his best friend.

Now Hold-up, as for the Deus ex machina, Hindus generally burn the dead body, so it would've been difficult for me to fuck her ashes. For those wondering what I did while she was alive. Well, I spent all that time trying to manipulate him and his family to convert to Christianity.

Getting back, now after the funeral, I waited for everyone to leave. That day the sun was particularly picturesque, with the carefree crimson clouds strolling in the sky. I dug up the grave, broke open the coffin, and Man, did I give her a good fuck. The kind of fuck she never got when she was alive, The surreal sexual fulfillment which, even though she was dead, her body couldn't deny as her vagina clenched, which made me bust my nut prematurely (I'm not proud of it). I fucked her not out of love but out of pity.

Guys, rigor mortis is a sham. A good pounding can unite those dead or alive.

As I stroked my flaccid penis, I made eye contact with my best friend. A bouquet of freshly plucked flowers fell from his hands along with a teardrop which struck the ground simultaneously. He completely broke down, knees too weak to support his frail body, and all this time, he still looked into the eyes of the man who bested him.

I condescendingly looked at that pathetic excuse for a man, blood rushed into my penis, and I got the most rigid erection of my life. I vigorously rubbed my cock, and a fountain of jizz came out and spilled everywhere on his mother's body. The lighting made my seed look almost golden. Dopamine rushed through my nerves. I felt elated.

I then walked towards him with my pants still down, " Wanna go munging?" I offered. He felt a sharp pain in his heart, and he fell unconscious.

He's been in a coma ever since. Being a good friend, I now look after his family. But I guess his mother wasn't enough for me, hehe. His sister, wife, and daughter are next on my Fill-Bill!