be me
be sophomore in college
spring break
decide to go to San Francisco with a few of my bros >I had this one buddy, we'll call him Dave
Dave was a fucking wildcard, this dude would do just about anything for a laugh >In San Francisco after an awful red-eye flight.
Go clubbing every night, having the time of our lives
Eventually our trip was coming to a close, and we only had a couple more days left in San Fran >Decide to go clubbing again, for the third night in a row
After a few hours of clubbing we were pretty freaking inebriated >Finally decide to wander back to our hotel for the night
Begin to stumble back to the hotel, having a great fucking time
We are suddenly approached by one a San Fran's finest, a frighteningly emaciated meth addict hooker. >We are not interested in acquiring vanareal diseases from a crack whore, continue to walk
As we were about to walk by, this hooker said something that I'll never be able to forget >"I'll bet each of you boys ten dollars that you can't shit on my face"
Dave immediately takes her up on the offer, me and the rest of my friends are too drunk to care >Hooker takes us all down to an alley, then proceeds to lay down with her face upwards
"Okay try to shit on my face"
Dave goes first.
Dave pulls his pants down and exposes his bare ass >Just as he's about to pinch a log off onto this meth addict whore's forehead, she blows on his asshole
Asshole immediately shrivels up like a dehydrated raisin, Dave literally can not shit on her face
My turn next
I stand over her face, knowing that my ten dollars is at stake >I squeeze my bowels like I've never squeezed them before, and I begin to feel a massive shit log stirring within me
I had gained confidence, this was my shining moment >Just as I felt the tip of my shit touching the ring on my asshole, a great wind swept up from the prostitute's mouth and instantly closed the gates of my sphincter
Just as Dave had failed before me, I was unnsuccessful in my quest >Hooker proceeds to do the same to each of my friends, not a single one of us can shit on her face
Hooker collects sixty bucks, and we finish our joumey back to the hotel defeated >All of my friends and I quickly forget the experience, except for Dave
Dave becomes legitimately angy that he wasn't able to shit on the hooker's face >Keeps talking about how much he wants his money back
whatever.gif
Next day
Our plane leaves the next moming, so this night was our last in San Francisco >We decide to go around and eat dinner at the cheapest restaurant we can find (after losing our money to the hooker, we decided not to spend much)
Find this nasty "chinese" buffet
Eat a fuckton of food, tons of really spicy stuff
cont
Decide to go back to the hotel to chill and start packing
We get back to the Hotel, and a look of pure malice crosses Dave's face
"We're going to get our money back"
Apparently the chinese buffet was beginning to have a serious affect on Dave
Dave runs out of the hotel to go find the hooker from the night before
Friends and I have no choice but to follow
Dave doubles over in stomach pain, still running with the feriocity and determination of a tigress hunting her prey >Dave begins to groan and fart loadly, running even faster than before
Finally arrive at the alley where we met the hooker before
Sure enough, the same meth head prostitute is stading at the same comer
Dave groans through clenched teeth "We want to try and shit on your face again, double or nothing"
Hooker agrees
Takes us back to the same place as before, and lays in the same position >Dave stands over her face as I remain transfixed with anticipation
Before the hooker even had time to purse her lips in preparation of closing Dave's sphincter, he began to release an unholy anal terror the likes of which no man should ever witness
Dave lets out a defeaning warcry as legions of liquid shit spew forth from between his fiercly vibrating asscheeks >The hooker's screams of utter terror slowly become muffled as legendary proportions of post-digested spicy asian buffet cover her face and chest
The shit continues to flow forth as the floodgates of hell remain open >Hooker attempts to protect her already scat-buried face with her hands, which are quickly pushed back by the force of Dave's anal explosion
Finally, Dave's ass slowly putters and flarps itself to sleep >Dave turns around, bare ass quivering from the after affects of what can only be compared to a nuclear blast in order to assess the damage
The Hooker is literally covered from head to toe in shit, with a smell reminiscient of the prison cells in Auschwitz >She's not even moving anymore, she just lays still put into shock by the force of Dave's shit
Dave turns to us with a serious expression on his face,bare ass still exposed to the breeze
"Holy fuck I've killed her" >The pavement around the hookers head is also drenched in shit, giving the appearence of a grotesque brown halo
Dave quickly pulls his pants back up, and we all sprint away from the alley > Still don't know what happened to that hooker, or if she even survived