Harry: Ron, pass me the spliffendor. This vvizard vveed you got from Bagrid be some gas on Merlin, bruh.
Ron: Aight Harry, go easy bruv, I laced this one with gillyweed to get some mermaid pussy.
Harry: Being the chosen one brings lots of anxiety and depression, Ron. I'm finna chief this whole ass blunt if I feel like it.
Hermione: Ron! Harry! What are you two oafs doing? We have potions class right now!
Harry: Shiiit, sorry we're late Snape, we had to fight some gay ass trolls or summin' idk.
Snape: Is that marijuana I detect? Need I remind you rapscallions that weed is prohibited outside of the school's greenhouse. Additionally, that shit smell mid AF. Negative 420 points to Griffindor.
Hermione: Ron, you moronic new nigga! Bagrid sold yo ass some oregano grass clippings!
Malfoy: Typical Weasleys... bringing the midpack to the function.
Snape: That's enough Mr Malfoy. Let us continue with the lesson. Today's potion is a powerful concoction known to the Muggles as "lean".
Ron: Me mum says only dark wizards can sip the purp potion. I don't know about this Harry...
Snape: Shut the fuck up and sip this shit nigga!
Harry: Oooh shit! That thing bleedin' P! Fuuuck I'm faded off the wock this shit wild bruh. Ron, you good slime?
Ron: Harry... I'm buggin' out... I think Professor Snape slipped me a perc.
Snape: That was a Flintsone gummy bruh. This is why you get no witches.
Later....
Snape: Albus, I caught Potter and his friends with some mid ass herb, most likely given to them by Sirius Pack. How do we proceed?
Dumbledore: Aight first of all nigga don't go runnin' up on a real nigga snitchin' like that this shit ain't the opp block nigga pipe down. Now, since Harry was able to sip pure wock without buggin', he is ready to face the opp who shall not be named. He is ready for... the Elder Blunt.
Snape: Albus you cannot be serious! He is only a boy. The Elder Blunt is the loudest shit ever rolled.
Dumbledore: Indeed, it is the same gas that we used on Tom Middle all those years ago. Therefore, only it can stop the dark loud. BTW you tryna hit this shit bruh? It'll quell your nervousness for Potter.
Snape: I... Suppose... cough cough Damn this shit loud AF!
Dumbledore: Serverus! Stay with me! I need you to give me a ride to 7/11! I got hella munchies bruh!
Meanwhile...
Hermione: Ron, if you want me to keep tweking on your nuts, you have to stop smoking weed. Harry is a bad influence.
Ron: Of course, my queen. All of my gas money will go to your OnlyFans.
Harry: Ayo, Ron, the rotation is starting in the common room, slide thru.
Ron: Sorry Harry, but... Hermoine says I can't smoke anymore 'cause you're a bad influence.
Harry: Ron, you simp ass nigga! She hit the wall after the first movie bruh! I know just the spell to snap you out of it... KUSHIUS DANKUM!
Ron: Much better bruv, my apologies. Hermoine get the fuck up out my traphouse, hoe.
Hermoine: Ron you fucking twat! How am I supposed to afford my acrylics bum ass nigga!?
Harry: Better get on that wizard welfare, mudblood...
Hermoine: sobs
Voldemort: I sense Potter is becoming a bigger trapstar than we feared... We must run up on these opps now! Send the dementor plugs...
To be continued...
